Saturday, 23 October 2010

Forever Friends???

This blog seems to have turned into a bit of a dating blog of late. Which is ironic really, considering how little action I have recently seen, dating or otherwise.

So I have decided to veer away from the minefield that is boys and write about something else for a change. No, not food. Although a foodie blog will be coming shortly.

But friends. And how you know who your real ones are? And how you hang onto the real ones? And how you save the real ones when you just know that the friendship is dying?

I'm not talking about any of my actual current friendships dying. None are. Currently. I don't think. But they have in the past. And when they did I always had this unrelenting, insatiable, drive not to let them. To fight tooth and nail just to keep them. To text, email, call, try anything in my might to save such dying friendship. To no avail of course, eventually they did die. As many friendships do. It's just a fact of life.

But this is something that I have learned in my mid-twenties......that sometimes you just have to let go.

We've all got them. That friend down south you swear you will be down to visit just as soon as you have moved into your new flat, or been on that holiday or adjusted better to your new job. But you both know it's not going to happen. It's not that you don't WANT to see such friend, its just that you are genuinely so busy with life and the friends closer that you never seem to have the time.

Or the friend who was once a bonafide drinking buddy. A partner in crime. Who used to put the world to rights with you over several bottles of Sauvignon Blanc. And now she is just so busy with her new boyfriend. And his friends. And as much as you both strive to keep it going. You just kinda get a little bit tired of trying don't you?

And sometimes, none of these factors come into it. Sometimes, sad as it is, people just grow apart. It's this idea that I struggled with for a long time. Of letting go of someone and just accepting that the friendship is no longer meant to be. I would beat myself up about it. Ask myself why they didn't seem to really be as up for that glass of wine as they should be. Or be hurt and annoyed when they cancelled because their bloke had "been working hard all week and they just needed a night in together".

Now don't get me wrong. I am the biggest 'canceller' out there. I'm the worlds worst for making plans, girly arrangements for wine drinking, dinner with mates, etc and then cancelling at the last minute. So bad in fact, I am probably lucky that I still have the lovely friends that I do. But my cancelling tendencies are always because I am knackered and really need a quiet night in front of the telly myself. I'm not a fan of the cancelling on one in order to see another strategy.

However, back to my point. A couple of years ago I learned when it was time to let go. To stop desperately trying to grasp onto whatever shred of mateness was left. To stop (quite frankly) making myself look a little bit pathetic by trying to arrange ANOTHER meet up in order to salvage our amigoship. And I let go. And now when I see that I am growing apart from someone, I let it happen. It's not that I am disinterested in them. That I am being rude or ice-cold. It's just that I don't have time to flog a dead horse.

God that did sound a little harsh though, didn't it? But growing up teaches you that life's just too short isn't it?

But. This leads me onto the good friends. The real friends. Cause sometimes no matter what happens. Life drama, unfortunate circumstances, geography, marriage, babies. Sometimes there's those friendships that just cannot be broken. That are enduring and never-ending and you form a lifelong bond that sticks around. You might not see them for a while. But when you do, you are right back on track.

I have one friend in Edinburgh who try as I might, I never get to see as much as I like. But she's still one of my best pals and I don't worry in the slightest when the eighth attempt at a meet up fails. Cause I know she's not going anywhere. Another friend I have back home is a bit older than me. She is married. With four kids. We didn't become friends till after she had her first. And even though I may only see her a couple of times a year, it's as if we've never been apart. It's magical. My best friend is a gorgeous girl who I see anything from a couple of times a week to once a month. But I know that nothing could tear us apart. Men, oceans, finances. Nothing. She's my number one and always will be.

So it's those people in my life that I treasure very dearly. And so the next time someone is too interested in their boyfriend to make any time for me. Or starts hanging about with the girl I used to hate in High school and starts sounding a bit distant. Or moves away and never answers my emails. Well, I'm just gonna let it go and get on with my life.

And if that makes me a bitch?

So be it.

1 comment:

P said...

I love the friends who you can see only once in a while but it's always like you've never been apart when you meet up. I hate those who dump you the second they are in a relationship.