Monday, 20 November 2017

EVER THOUGHT OF CALLING WHEN YOU'VE HAD A FEW?


Recently I spoke to someone I had dated a couple of years ago who enquired as to why I no longer followed them on social media. When I explained that I just wasn't one of those people who particularly wanted to know what their ex's were up to online, I was met with a look of bemusement and disbelief. Followed by the statement - 'but I bet you still look'. When I replied that no, actually I didn't, they responded with a laddish 'aye right' and so I swiftly changed the subject.

They didn't believe me. Which was fine. It didn't particularly bother me whether they believed me or not. However it did get me to thinking. Does everyone stalk their ex's online? Is it healthy? Does it mean that you still secretly yearn for the relationship? Or is it simply normal curiosity?

I don't know. The only thing I do know is that when I told the person in question that I genuinely wasn't aware that their sister had just got married and that I honestly had no clue they had just spent 3 weeks in hospital recovering from a virus they picked up on holiday, I was telling the truth. 

Because I don't look. 

But that's not to say I haven't...

I'm someone who feels strongly that the unfollow button is a personal and powerful tool that everyone has the right to utilise to it's full extent. I don't feel guilty for unfollowing people on social media if I don't particularly like what they post. Because I don't equate social media to real life. I see no harm in unfollowing people even if I I genuinely like them in 3D. I think our social media channels are personal to us all and that it is silly to force yourself to endure photos of other people's cats, children or dinner if you don't want to. So I unfollow. We already spend far too much of our lives being diplomatic, nice and polite. So I believe in making your timeline your own and something you enjoy switching onto. 

In short, when it comes to being online, fuck being polite. 

Follow what you enjoy.

And get rid of what you don't.

And the same applies to ex's. While apparently there are some 'I have totally got my shit together and am a mature and rounded person' people who have no issue with continuing to follow their ex on social networks, I am not one of them. I don't particularly want to know what my previous boyfriends are up to, have no interest in hearing about their latest relationship conquest and exude not a tiny bit of interest in reading their last inspirational quote. Most of the time, looking at an ex's posts online does more harm than it does good. So in the words of a very good friend of mine - 'why go looking for pain'? 

And so I don't. I delete. And I rarely look back.

Despite the fact that I work in social media, write a blog and have a borderline unhealthy addiction to Twitter, it's actually not that difficult to eradicate someone from your digital life. And if you have just split up with someone, I highly recommend doing so. During a break- up one of the first things I do (after spending a weeks wages on a psychic and getting so drunk I fall asleep in a nightclub), is unfollow and delete all trace of them from my online life. I'm aware this can be construed as immature, childish and often bitter. But the truth is I don't care. If I am hurting then I don't want to know what they are  up to. And you shouldn't either. 

Of course you still run the risk of still seeing their smug looking face popping up on your timeline every so often. It's sometimes unavoidable. But there are things you can do to stop it. If you have mutual friends you never really liked anyway then delete them also. Strike while the iron is hot and you'll never have to worry about them tagging on your timeline. If you are still on good terms with their friends and family on Facebook but don't want to appear mean, then simply unfollow. This allows you to stay friends with them but means you don't have to see what they post or when they change their profile picture. Meaning the chances of having to look at your ex's annoying face at their latest family BBQ are almost diminished.

I would be lying if I said that I had never looked. Of course I have. The initial few weeks after a break up are a crucial point and you would have to be super human not to want to know what your ex is up to. So don't beat yourself up if you sneak a peek. We all do it. Even now I have been known to spend the odd Friday evening in front of Graham Norton horizontally doing a bit of snooping on the sofa out of nothing but nosiness and boredom.  But the occasions I do this are extremely few and far between. And I can genuinely say without a shadow of a doubt that I haven't looked at a single one of my ex-boyfriends social pages in at least 4 or 5 months. 

And the result? 

I'm a much happier person because of it.

The truth is that I'm at a point in my life now where I can't think of a single ex I wouldn't happily go for a friendly pint with. And that's a good place to be. But do I want to be liking photos of their lunch, admiring their new fiancee's diamond ring or tricking myself into thinking I want them back just because they finally worked out what to do with the bench press at the gym?

Do I fuck.

And anyway, everyone knows that the real person you still love is the person whose star sign you still read.

Don't they ;)

Tuesday, 14 November 2017

L A T E L Y

  • Castles, castles, castles. And Midhope Castle did not disappoint. Mainly because it is also known to some as 'Lallybroch' from Outlander, and I got to fan girl all over the place.
  • This gin collection of mine just keeps growing and growing with the most recent addition being a bottle of Edinburgh Gin Cannonball. This Navy Strength stuff is 57.2% so if you are trying it for yourself I would definitely stick to singles!
  • Zombie Princess freaking out the neighbourhood for Halloween. It's worrying how seriously Ava is starting to take this over-commercialised calendar date. Especially since it's my turn to do the costume next year..
  • A day spent in Inveraray is most definitely a day well spent. Particularly when it involves the picturesque scenes of the A83 and some delicious seafood next to the log fire in The George Hotel
  • Some very good coffee from It All Started Here and a wander around Shawlands with friends on a cold, drizzly Saturday afternoon. I had forgotten how many cute and interesting little stores and charity shops Shawlands actually had.
  • I drive past the derelict Sir John Maxwell school building in Pollokshaws almost very single day and I am dying to get in there & explore!
  • Still loving my new found love of whisky, and still a major fan of an Oban! This one was enjoyed in the cosy surroundings of the bar at Inn On The Loch while enjoying some lively folk music after eating way too much in the restaurant.
  • Beautiful serene scenes taken in Ardgartan on a leisurely drive home from lunch at The Loch Fyne Oyster Bar.
  • There's something about a big bowl of steaming hot pasta on the cold, dark nights that just makes me feel so cosy and satiated. And it's also incredibly easy when I have been too disorganised to stop at the supermarket and pick up stuff for dinner. I threw some penne, cream, shallots, mushrooms, peas, garlic and white wine together the other night and came up with this. Totally hit the spot.
  • Looking forward to the weekend and finally trying some of these amazing little 50cl miniatures from The Gin Bothy. These boxes make the perfect Christmas presents so I highly recommend you get on their website and get ordering for your nearest and dearest gin fan friend or family member. I already have!
  • Dirty Martinis at The Boyd Roderick. I heard a sneaky rumour that these guys are giving away a meal for 2 on their Facebook page. Check it out here.
  • Exploring the abandoned railway station underneath the Botanic Gardens in Glasgow a couple of Sundays ago. 

  • The Cafe Royal in Edinburgh looking very pretty lit up in the dark. We finally made it through to Edinburgh recently to try some Mexican food at Wahaca (somewhere I have wanted to go for ages). Not only was the food good but it even got a massive thumbs up from Ava so we will definitely be back!
  • Speaking of trying new places, I finally got myself down to Surf Dogs for some gourmet hot dogs. The Currywurst with Sauerkraut was a definite a winner. So much so that I may have eaten there again last night.
  • Sweeties galore at the Busy B 2018 launch night last week. We got to peruse all the beautiful new stuff they have designed for 2018 as well as drink fizz with edible flowers, eat delicious canapes and get our very own diary for 2018 personalised in calligraphy. This was such a lovely event and I can't wait to get ordering some beautiful new diaries for all of my friends this Christmas. You can view their full collection on their website.
  • Gnocchi is something I love but for some reason I just never cook it. Until I discovered The Body Coach's Chicken & Leek Gnocchi Bake recipe and then made it twice in one week.

  • Churros, all the chocolate and caramel dips and some tasty ice-cream at Loop & Scoop in the west end. If you haven't visited yet then this is a must for anyone who likes to indulge. Ava's already been twice and will not stop asking when our next visit is.
  • Cosy early nights in bed with Scotland Magazine & cups of Chamomile & Honey tea. I'm not a great sleeper and have suffered with bad insomnia on and off for the past couple of years. I recently started having one of these teas every evening before bed along with a Magnesium supplement pill and have been sleeping like a baby ever since. If you have trouble sleeping then I highly recommend you get some Magnesium down ya, they honestly work!
  • I did that thing again, didn't I? Where I accidentally used the same photo twice in the same blog post? I want to be bothered enough to change it. But I'm not. Because I am lazy blogger personafied. Soz.
  • Finally, delicious seafood pasta at (relatively) new Celino's Partick in the west end. This dish was pretty bloody tasty, but the pate starter was out of this world. For years I have been trying to find somewhere that does better pate than Celino's and it's still not happened. If you pay a visit then please order it as a starter. You will not regret it.

Sunday, 5 November 2017

WHAT I'VE LEARNED SO FAR

At the end of September I wrote this blog post about how I was packing in the dating for a bit, and in all honesty I haven't really been missing it. In fact I have been so busy filling my free time with my friends, that a bloke (or lack thereof) hasn't really been an issue. Until recently.

I have a good friend coming up from London next weekend and had arranged a babysitter so we could go out on the Saturday night. However she has had to cancel. Not the end of the world. A Saturday night off is still a Saturday night off. And so I texted a few of my friends to see who was free. I wasn't letting a weekend child free go to waste. Much to my disappointment though, everyone had plans. The majority of them with their boyfriends.

I weighed up my options. I could get myself back on Tinder? Take a gamble and arrange a date for Saturday night. Or I could order a pizza. Watch Strictly and get stuck into the mini bottles of Bothy Gin I received recently. 

Pizza won. 

Guys.

This is where we're at now.

But it did get me to thinking about my experiences of online dating and relationships so far. And worrying about why I only miss having a boyfriend when I'm hungover (Dominoes and sex) and on the occasional Sunday night (Blue Planet & cuddles). I worry. Am I becoming cynical? Or just simply too lazy to even bother 'putting myself out there'? Is it concerning how content I seem being single? I know I'm too picky. But is that a side-effect of subconsciously not wanting a boyfriend?

Am I over-thinking it all waaaaay too much?

Most definitely.

Either way here is a slightly cynical overview from an overly fussy 34 year old who just can't be bothered getting herself back on Tinder. 

You are welcome.
  1. At the beginning (during the first few dates), always trust your gut. That bitch knows what's up. If he seems like a player then he probably is. And if he has to take the time to express to you that he is not a player then he definitely is.
  2. I have a theory about good looking men on dating sites. I've not met one so far who wasn't at it. I think this is why: men who are physically attractive on these sites do well with very little work involved. There is no dressing up, styling their hair or dragging themselves out to a bar on a Saturday night. No chatting women up with funny or witty repertoire, no risking a knock back & no having to spend money on drinks. It's an entire new world of hot women available through a touch screen and when they do meet up with these women they already know they are interested. Men in a situation like this are like kids in a sweetie shop. The result? An entire new generation of players, a new digital age of guys primed to break hearts. Cynical? Maybe. True? Definitely.
  3. Don't rush into anything. If he wants to spend every single night of the week with you after two dates and is telling you he loves you after three weeks then it won't end well. I went through a period where I dated a few of these 'fast love' kinda guys and I'm single now for a reason. If they are fast they are usually fucked up.
  4. Understand your self worth. Don't be tricked into feeling stupid or like a psycho if you don't like the way you are being treated. If you have a pop constantly about stuff but still stick around to be walked all over then they have every right to call you crazy. If you call people on their behaviour and then walk away (and mean it) then you are not being high maintenance. You are being true to yourself.
  5. Guys who are playing games usually genuinely don't know they are playing games. Half the time they are able to convince themselves that they are doing nothing wrong. Subconsciously though, on a deeper level they probably do know somewhere deep inside that they are fucking you about. But the less you say and the more you distance yourself from it, the more likely they are to realise it.
  6. On that note, keep your mouth shut if it's early days. I recently went on a couple of dates with a bloke who would sometimes go 12 hours between replying to messages, despite the fact he was on & off WhatsApp all day. When I nicely explained that I wanted to leave it and my reasons why, his annoyed response was to tell me that he was probably 'a bit too independent' for me. The desire to reply that he wasn't independent, he was fucking rude, was strong. But what would have been the point when I hardly knew the guy? So just delete the number and move the hell on. Sometimes silence is golden.
  7. Beware of the bio. If he describes himself as 'independent' then he is probably shagging about. If he says he 'isn't materialistic' then the likelihood is he's skint and if he calls himself 'bohemian' then he's sleeping on his sister's sofa.
  8. Recognise signs. I saw signs that someone was a bit dark & controlling during the first three weeks of dating. Despite this I went on to be in a relationship with the guy for nearly two years. I sorely wish I had acted upon these red flags and wasn't eventually left so broken by the experience.
  9. Don't apologise for knowing what you want. If you know you are looking for someone on a similar financial level to you, or that you don't want to date a younger man, then it's ok to stick to your guns. Every time I have pursued something with someone who went against my usual type, it has ended in tears. It's ok to know what you want.
  10. Finally, avoid ghosting. I get into trouble from my pals a lot for continuing contact with people I am not interested in for fear of hurting their feelings. I always friend zone them but I just can't bring myself to just start ignoring a person. So try and be as kind as you can. Even if they are doing your absolute nut in.

Tuesday, 31 October 2017

L O V E S


  1. Water. What is it about being near water (or more specifically lochs) that is so soothing? Or maybe it's because doing so usually also involves the prospect of leisurely walks, nights away & crisps and a pint in the local boozer. Recent escapes include a day trip to Linlithgow & a wander around their loch, an overnight stay at Loch Lomond, some pretty picture taking of Loch Long & a couple of Sunday road trips up to Loch Fyne.
  2. The Gin Bothy. I attended an event recently at Gin71 and was lucky enough to be introduced to this fabulous Scottish drinks company. More importantly, I was lucky enough to be introduced to their amazing Gunshot Mulled Gin. Now I am a big fan of a mulled drink or two come the festive season and I cannot wait to get my hands on a bottle for Christmas! 
  3. Abandoned Buildings. I think my summer jaunt to Buchanan Castle earlier in the year must have sparked something because I am getting all kinds of obsessed with exploring abandoned buildings. Recent highlights include checking out an old abandoned dairy farm in Renfrewshire & the derelict Hartwoodhill Hospital near Shotts. Nothing can beat the goosebumps and atmosphere of these places and I'm exciting to also be checking out Dunmore House this weekend.
  4. This time of year. My favourite time of year is upon us and I am loving the darker evenings and revelling in the colder nights. I'm burning my scented candles every night and bashing out soups and stews like it's nobody's business. Last night I managed to make a delicious spiced curry with the pumpkin we picked up recently at Arnprior Farm, along with a massive pot of steaming pumpkin soup and I have big plans for a slow cooked beef & ale stew this weekend.
  5. The perfect black jumpsuit. I have been searching for the perfect black jumpsuit pretty much my whole adult life (I kid you not), so I was delighted when I finally picked up the outfit of my dreams in New Look recently for a mere £25. I'm now transfixed on finding something similar but with spaghetti straps & a splash of colour in time for all the Christmas parties.
  6. The Boyd Roderick. I genuinely cannot talk this amazing south side bar and restaurant up enough and was majorly delighted to spend my recent 34th birthday in there celebrating. Highlights included some pretty tasty Dirty Martinis, some very tasty pork belly & a bottle of one of the nicest Marlborough Sauv Blancs I've had in a long time. If you live in the south side, then this place is most definitely where it's at.
  7. Loop & Scoop.  I headed along to the media launch night of the UK's first ice cream & churros bar a couple of weeks ago and I was in sugar heaven. May I recommend the dulce de leche filled churros? And that you wear your stretchy pants?
  8. The Loch Fyne Oyster Bar. Best langoustines of my life. Washed down with a seriously good bottle of salty, French Muscadet. Enough said.
  9. The Rest & Be Thankful. I will never get enough of this amazing road, it's stunning scenery & it's beautiful views. Or how lucky I am to live just over an hours drive from it.
  10. Airth Castle. When I saw a deal recently for this hotel I grabbed it with both hands. Mainly because I had been dying to check out this strange building that is shaped like a pineapple (and located right next to it) for so long. We  had a great time relaxing in the spa, stuffing our faces in the restaurant and devouring cake and crisps n our PJ's in our hotel room later on. Massive love for this gorgeous, relaxing hotel. I can't wait to return.

Monday, 16 October 2017

NO GREAT MIND EXISTED WITHOUT A TOUCH OF MADNESS


If you asked me things I was good at then I'm pretty sure there's at least one or two I could rhyme off automatically. I make a mean Madras, I'm the queen of the cutting comeback and I know the lyrics to almost every Taylor Swift song word for word. 

Breaking & entering though?

Not so much.

However, thanks to my new found love of exploring abandoned buildings (I was always gonna run out of castles at some point), I recently found myself doing just that when I joined Christina & Fionn on a very wet Sunday trip to the derelict psychiatric hospital, Hartwoodhill, located just outside the village of Shotts. 

The brief was simple. To get in, get some cool photos, try not to electrocute ourselves/fall through any unsupported flooring/get caught and then get the hell outta dodge before we spooked ourselves so silly that we all had nightmares for a week.

Stumbling block number one: there was no longer an access point. The hospital was surrounded by very tall, very secure, wrought iron spiked fences. We walked the entire circumference of the hospital and there was no way in, none at all. After some digging (in the Google sense) we discovered that there had previously been a hole dug under the fence of which a person of moderate size could easily push themselves under. However said hole had been filled up by the authorities after a recent fire (probably started by some local kids) and they had done a seriously good job of making sure no one else was getting in.

It was a stunning building, if not somewhat dilapidated and we were not to be dissuaded in our aim. So we spent almost an hour of digging (in the literal sense), with no spade. Because we like to think of ourselves as a prepared bunch and I had come armed with no more than a waterproof jacket, my iPhone and a packet of wet wipes. 

You would really think I would be better at this by now.

After digging a hole big enough for us to squeeze our asses under, we were finally in. And ready to do some serious exploring. 

According to Wikipedia:

'The remains of the building, a 19th century psychiatric hospital with imposing twin clock towers, are the main feature of Hartwood village, even after it's closure under the direction of the Lanarkshire Health Board in 1998. On the morning of 28 June 2004, a fire broke out in the disused Hartwood buildings. This involved the destruction of the admin office, dining hall and clock towers. After it closed in 1998, it was used as a studio by Lanarkshire Television, but Lanarkshire Television was closed down in 2002. After LTV left, the hospital fell victim to vandalism & fire. Security men regularly patrol the site to fend off vandals.'

Luckily for us, security must have been off that day. Not that we were there to make a mess, cause any chaos or even leave any evidence of our arrival. We were simply there to explore, get a few pics and then be on our merry way. 

Staying safe, leaving things untouched. 

Because dems the rules.

Originally known as the Lanark District Asylum, the facility was opened in 1895 with a capacity for 500 patients. The complex included staff housing, gardens, a farm, a power plant, a reservoir, a railway line & a cemetery.

Although this was my first visit, I had heard stories through various relatives of my family connections to the place. I had family members who had worked there, and some other relatives who had spent time there as inpatients. One spent their entire life in the institution.

I wanted to know more.

There's an eeriness to the place, a lot of negative energy and definitely some bad kinda karma. Stories abound that it wasn't a nice place to work or to be treated. Although a low security mental hospital that housed many law abiding but sadly unwell average Joes, the hospital also treated many criminals & sex offenders. There's rumours of cold treatment by staff, clinical and harsh use of electric shock treatment and patients who spent their entire lives trapped in the lonely, looming but beautiful buildings.  

I couldn't get over the creepy stillness as we explored. Curtains still flapped in the wind next to broken windows, a fan in the roof still blew while the rest of the remains stood motionless. There was the constant drip, drip, dripping of water from the burst ceiling in the roof.

An abandoned mattress lay in the middle of the floor in one of the rooms. An old gas heater had been left on it's own to rust. There was a tired brown leather armchair sitting nonchalantly in the middle of one ward, a radiator hanging off the wall behind it. We found old workies boots, half dug into the earth and starting to rot. Old filing cabinets still stood, with bed numbers and wards printed along the side.

It felt like we were only people around for miles. The silence was imposing. The energy insane. I have no idea if it was the dampness in the air that kept causing our goosebumps or the spookiness of our surroundings. 

We explored for an hour at least. Occasionally straying but for the most part being too spooked not to stick together. We got our photos. Left footprints and nothing else. Then we scooted out the man hole from which we had arrived and covered in mud made our way back to the car.

Where we gossiped all the way back to Glasgow. Happy at the shared prospects of hot baths, take away food and Sunday night telly when we got home. Tired but exhilarated. Muddy but victorious. Excited but a little bit freaked out...

If you like this post you can read about another one of my explorations when I checked out the beautiful Boclair House (before it was restored to a hotel) on Halloween. At night! 

Monday, 9 October 2017

L A T E L Y


  • Sunday afternoon catch ups and cocktails in The Smokin' Fox with a good friend.
  • Monday night sushi at Pickled Ginger in Finnieston with another one of my favourite babes.
  • Tuesday night train rides into town with all the good intentions to home by 10pm. Actually didn't get in till just after 11pm. Could have been worse.
  • Doner Kebab of dreams at Babs on West Nile Street.



  • Peaceful views from Loch Leven castle in Kinross.
  • Loving the Magners tree on the rooftop terrace of Malones.
  • This kid is only 6 and already taking the piss outta my selfies. I spell trouble...
  • Thursday night G&T in preparation for a much needed three day weekend.



  • Delicious Crispy Salmon Burrito Bowl that I will most definitely be making again. You can find the recipe right here.
  • A pancake feast before a Saturday spent exploring with my favourite gal.
  • Haggis Bon Bons from Bruadair Catering at Big Feed Glasgow.
  • The amazing Fairy Trail at Balfron Woodland Experiences. We can't wait to go back this Christmas and check out the Santa Experience.






  • Proper tasty Crying Tiger Beef Salad at Tiki Bar & Kitsch Inn. In fact this entire meal was delicious so if you are a fan of Thai food then you should definitely get down there.
  • Planning all the Autumnal soups, stews and casseroles now that Autumn has set in. I can't wait to eat all the roasted squash!
  • Beautiful cheesecakes from Bing Soul in the west end. Almost too beautiful to eat. I said almost.
  • A quick Friday night dinner of steak, caramelised onions, rocket and blue cheese sauce. So simple. So tasty!

Saturday, 30 September 2017

ON ONLINE DATING & PUTTING MYSELF 'OUT THERE'


As someone who has always enjoyed her own company (perhaps a little too much) and who often fears this may be the reason she has never felt particularly alone, as I nervously approach my 34th birthday, it has occurred to me recently that if I'm not careful, these facts may end up being the reason I die alone. In fact, I realised recently that it was almost exactly this time last year that I wrote this blog post discussing just how much being single had never really bothered me. And with another couple of failed attempts at relationships to add to my bow since then, things haven't exactly been going to plan.

Since I split from Ava's Dad there has been one serious relationship of just under two years, a couple of guys I was 'dating' for a couple of months and more latterly, an on and off five month relationship which was always doomed to fail. So recently I decided to change something. Over the years I had sporadically dipped my toe in and out of the murky waters of online dating but truthfully had never really enjoyed nor sourced anything more fruitful from it than a couple of substandard dates. But I had watched with wild fascination as friends and family members not only utilised this new revolutionary platform to it's full extent (going on a couple of dates a week), but had actually managed to get a couple of decent lasting relationships from it. With blokes who didn't keep their dead mum in the basement. So surely there had to be something in it?

I decided to change tactics. I decided to finally listen to the lamenting of my friends who constantly criticised my over-fussy swiping tactics and refusal to message first. I decided that I would embrace Tinder with full gusto. And that meant not deleting my account every second day. 

Apparently. 

So I made a plan.

Step 1: I would keep my account for longer than a week. 

Step 2: I would look closely at the guys photos, read their bios and not always necessarily swipe on my 'types'.

Step 3: I would message some of them first. 

The last one was a big one for me. I've always waited on a guy messaging me first for fear of looking needy. There is nothing that will turn a guy off more than a women in her early thirties with a Bridget Jones complex and a wedding ideas Pinterest board. Given that it has been known to take three months of messaging to get me to go for a drink, that I am an avid canceller of first dates and that I have ridiculously fussy and old-fashioned ideas of being pursued, I was going to try and do something I had never done before. I was going to 'put myself out there'. 

And so for the past couple of weeks I have been trying. I've kept my Tinder account going and put aside dedicated swiping time daily. I've paused over accounts where my first reaction was to the swipe left, and I've given the guys with bios I previously would have judged them for the benefit of the doubt. I've even messaged first (which killed me), but I can't be posting Instagram quotes about equality for the sexes without reaching out to the odd male specimen now and again. I've even made the first move by messaging a couple of guys who had also caught my eye in the real world (one through work and the other because a couple of pals reckoned we'd make the perfect match). 

The result? Very little. A few chats. Most of which tailed off. I'm not even sure if that was their fault or mine. A bit of flirtation with a couple of blokes who I wouldn't necessarily have given the time of day to before, and a couple of dates with one guy who actually really did have my attention but seemed a little bit too much of a 'risk' to me. 

Yes, now I am in my thirties I carry out risk assessments. Don't tell me that's not normal...

But here's the thing. Despite going nonchalantly on and off dating sites over the past few years, not a single one of my proper relationships I have met online. Every single man I have consciously chosen to share boxsets, Marks & Spencers Meals for 2 and bodily fluids with, I have met through real life. And that's kinda telling me a lot right now.

Truthfully, every time I put myself out there by messaging first, it's a tiny knock to my (probably massively inflated) self-esteem. And we all know I am far too self-involved to desire that. I don't really want a boyfriend. I don't really not. There's little things I miss, but when I'm going to bed alone I'm not exactly crying myself to sleep. Which I think is an ok to place to be.  I find Tinder utterly depressing and frankly fucking vacuous and so for that reason I have deleted again. Messaging guys first doesn't work for me because I don't get a thrill from the chase and the only time I ever meet someone who I would happily keep my bikini line up to date for is when I'm not looking.

And so I am done with the dating for a while. And I'm putting myself firmly back 'in' there.

From now on my coffee dates will be reserved for my girl gang.

And instead I will live my Tinder life vicariously through them.