THERE'S SOMETHING INSIDE YOU, IT'S HARD TO EXPLAIN

As it's now my favourite time of year, I figured it would be a good time to embrace some Cosagach into my life. In case you hadn't heard, the Scottish word Cosagoch has just replaced Hygge as the buzzword of 2018. Cosagach (pronounced coze-sag-och) is an old Gaelic word and is used to describe how the feeling of being warm and sheltered promotes feelings of well being. And anything that encourages me to feel warm, cosy and generally nice inside is something I plan to embrace with full gusto. Especially now that it's no longer acceptable to eat dinner in the garden and all my summer clothes have been banished again to the back of the wardrobe. 

Back in February I spoke about taking the pressure off of myself a little bit and it's something I have been practising in a variety of different forms for a while now. And it's working. Self-care might be becoming the shitty, eye roll inducing cliched para-phrase of last year, but there's certainly something to be said for actually being nicer to yourself.

I love this time of year more than any other. There's something about the turning of summer into autumn that gives me a sense of happy and inner peace. I don't even mind all the rain. Well I do mind the rain but see it is a reasonable price to pay for all the aesthetically pleasing falling leaves, pretty autumnal colours, reasons to cook (and eat) lots off stodge and excuse to burn ridiculously expensive candles. I love leaving work in the dark (I know, I'm weird), the fact that the telly gets really bloody good (I know, I'm sad) and the cosy feeling I get from leaving little lamps and candles on in every room (I know, I need an environmental conscience).

So for the majority of 2018 I have been largely doing what makes me happy. Something I touched upon in my returning blog post a couple of weeks ago. And it's making me feel better than ever. I'm still drinking much more moderately and loving it and in terms of my eating habits I am slowly losing that terrible binge eat/starve philosophy I had taken years to perfect. My general attitude towards lots of different areas in my life has improved greatly too, to be honest.

I was surprised by how many girls got in touch with me after that blog post back in February to say how much that piece of writing had spoken to them. Some related to it in terms of always wanting to lose weight or drink less wine. Others felt I had subconsciously spoken to them about their need to settle down or desire to have a baby. Others just agreed that a combination of trying to look good, trying to be a perfect friend and trying to juggle a career and family all got a bit much for them too sometimes. It struck me that it wasn't just me being hard on myself. That we were all in this together.

So I took the blogging break because I wanted to be nicer to myself and it worked and made me feel much better. I bought the really nice face creams even though I felt guilty about not spending the money on Ava. And I made some big decisions regarding work, friendships and my general well being.

If I don't want to go out then I am slowly learning to just say no. With age comes wisdom and the dawning realisation that actually nobody cares if you don't go to the party. I'm too old for FOMO (fear of missing out) and if I would rather be cosied up on my sofa under a blanket with some chocolate and a dark Scandi crime drama then so be it. I'm not hurting anyone and from what I can see I'm not really missing out on that much either.

It's time we stopped trying to please other people all the time and just did what made us happy. 

I was chatting to a friend recently who was in a bit of a bad way. She was feeling shit, everything was getting on top of her and she couldn't escape a niggling feeling that a sort of depression was looming. She asked me for advice and what I would do in her situation. I told her to do the only thing I knew worked for me. And that was to gather up all her passions and to practise them. Every single day. To work out all the things that made her happy and brought her feelings of contentment and to chase them as often as she could.

These things are different for different types of people. For me they are mostly experience led and rarely cost me any money. Climbing a big hill on what was originally meant to be a lazy Sunday. A 5k run that accidentally turns into a 10k because I'm enjoying it so much. That first sip of Gin & Tonic on a Friday after a long week at work. Lazy Saturday morning brunches with Ava eaten at the table in our PJ's. Exploring abandoned buildings, cooking roast dinners & watching true crime documentaries on Netflix.

Scotland.

Eating.

 Writing.

A couple of years ago I wrote down a list of all the things that made me happy and then I swore that I would make them become my focus. And that's exactly what I have being doing. Not only does it give you a sense of purpose but it gives you an edge. It gives you your own exquisite personality. Whether its a predilection for science fiction or a geeky fascination with art galleries, discover what makes you feel alive and I promise you will never look back. It gives you something to talk about at dinner parties, it gives you things in common when you go on dates and it gives you a brilliant example to set your children when you're trying to drag them away from the iPad.

So find your you.

You don't have to explain.