Sunday, 9 December 2018

Life: An Update


Given how completely rubbish I am at blogging these days, I figured I would try and take some time out to write one last update before I optimistically career into 2019, full of fake promises to work out 5 times a week, complete dry January & to stop using the iPad as a parenting tool.

I took a little social media break just after my birthday back in October and I'm surprised at how little I missed Instagram and Twitter. I didn't look at either of these platforms once in just over three weeks (a long time for me) and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I'm still not using social media to the same extent I was. Putting my phone down more has been remarkably liberating in lots of ways. It started to occur to me how much we were all missing by looking at things through our phones. By unbinding myself from the shackles of social media (albeit for a short while) I realised how much my focus had been taken off living in the moment. I don't want to be the person videoing their favourite song at a concert instead of dancing to it, I don't want to visit a waterfall just to get a photo of it and I don't want to let a nice meal go cold because I'm too busy taking pictures of it. 

2018 has been a bit of a learning curve for me. I've accepted and am still accepting things about myself that I wasn't willing to face up to before. I'm realising that it's only now (after quite a long time) that I'm truly ready for another serious relationship. Truly ready to think about settling down. I have learned so many lessons from the things I have been through over the past five years. And it's realising this that is making me genuinely excited for 2019. A shitload of self-awareness is slowly getting me to a place I possibly haven't been before. I'm recognising parts of myself that I possibly couldn't see before. I've never struggled to meet men when I want to date and I decide to get online, but meeting the right person has been a huge struggle and I now understand that in some ways, a great deal of that was because of me. I'm excited to go into the new year with a new head on my shoulders and a bit more faith. And for the first time in a long time, I feel really ready for something good. 

We're getting hugely excited for Christmas in our little household and we're spending our weekends visiting Santa, walking around Christmas markets and basically just getting into the festive spirit at every opportunity available. The tree is up, our guests are being offered mulled wine instead of Pinot and the only treats you can find in our cupboards right now are Christmas tree shaped or of the mince pie or Stollen variety. We've got the Christmas movies on repeat, decorations adorning the whole flat and I've even decorated the headboard of my bed with twinkling little fairy lights that make me feel super Christmassy when I'm snuggled up in bed watching films like Love Actually & The Holiday.  I love all the build up and the excitement at this time of year and having played chef/host/boss of the day for the past five years running, I am looking forward to going to my sisters and letting someone else take care of the hard work this year! Although the control freak in me is a little bit worried about letting go of my hostess with the mostess title, even if it is just for one year!

The little writing project I had been working on took a bit of a back seat recently but I am back to concentrating on my passion project again with full gusto and plan to dedicate much more time to it over the coming weeks. I am still knocking out new recipes like Nigella and cooking is still and forever will be one of my favourite forms of therapy. The girl who was running around five times a week over the summer has turned into a lazy cow now that the cold and dark mornings have hit and like everyone else in the country I have big plans to get my ass moving more come the New Year. But I'm really lacking the motivation right now for some reason. Let's just blame the weather.

As with every year, the hill walking, the road trips and the escapes up north have taken a backseat thanks to a lack of annual leave and the fact all my funds are currently going on Christmas presents, but I'm looking forward to my annual jaunt down to London after the New Year and I can't wait for all the new places I will explore in Scotland next year. Ticking another Scottish island off the list is most definitely on the agenda, as is a hike up Ben Nevis and a 3 or 4 night road trip up the east coast! 

I've been doing a fair bit of soul searching these past few weeks and to be honest the only thing that I can come up with is that life is great. I'm happy in my job, I love our home because it's ours and we live in a great area surrounded by amazing friends. We have a silly busy social life but that's just the way we like it and Ava is flourishing both in school and at home. She really is the happiest wee girl and I truly hope that a part of that is testament to me.

I don't think any of us look around ourselves often enough to take stock of how lucky we really are. I know myself that I'm all too guilty of focusing much more on the bad while completely disregarding the good. So I have been doing the opposite recently. Taking lessons where they need to be taken, focusing on fixing the parts of me that could use a little work and reminding myself almost daily how lucky I am to live a life this full. 

And know what I've realised? That life isn't just about being grateful for what you've got. 

It's about being excited for what you might just get. 

1 comment:

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