Thursday, 18 August 2011

My alternative pregnancy blog.......


Pregnancy is a beautiful time. A time of evolvement, change, maturity and growth. When you blossom and bloom and glow with excited anticipation for the little bundle you are about to receive. When you experience the most amazing changes as the tiny cluster of cells inside you slowly grows into a fully formed baby.

Right?

Wrong.

If one more person tells me what a magical journey I am on, I intend to shove one of my many pregnancy books where the sun don't shine.

But before I dive right into the frustrated rant that I am have been holding in for so long.....I'd like to make it clear that I am excited about meeting my 'little bundle of joy'. I am enjoying putting the final touches to the nursery. And I cannot wait till I have her in my arms.

But have I enjoyed pregnancy? Truthfully? No. In fact if I hadn't known I was pregnant then I would be pretty much convinced by now that I had a terminal bloody disease. I've worked out that I got pregnant last December. And I started feeling a bit 'funny' around the beginning of January. So by my calculations, this would mean that I have officially felt shit for pretty much 2011 in its entirety. That's eight months people.

Eight long months.

But am I a drama queen? Am I feeling what is pretty much a standard for most pregnant women and I just can't handle it? Do I have a lower threshold than most for these things and am I just being a big crybaby? Who knows. Because, as much as I would like to, there's not really any way of measuring these things is there?

To be fair I have had the most uncomplicated yet complicated pregnancy there is. I've been monitored a little more closely than some down to having the rhesus negative blood type, a low lying placenta, a slightly scary bleeding situation at 32 weeks and now further scans as the bun in the ovens not risen quite as much as she should have. That is, she's too teeny so they want to keep an eye.

However despite all of this stuff, I've not really had it that bad. There's been no fainting spells (although I've been close on a few occasions), no 3 days in hospital attached to a drip, no scary Braxton Hicks and thankfully, only that one (very minor) bleeding scare. So what's up with me? What's with the rant? Am I just feeling sorry for myself? Probably. But here comes to moaning......

I am sick of reading/hearing about this special time and how I should be making the most of it and not taking it for granted. Cause I just feel rubbish. All the time.

The first few months were no more than expected: chronic sickness every morning. However, I soon discovered that a couple of glasses of soda water and lime did the trick and by noon the sick feeling had usually subsided. The sleeping was unbelievable. I slept all the time and if there was a programme on the TV that started at 10pm then you could count me out. I was well tucked up in my bed by then. Then there was the boobies. The books had warned me: 'they may be a little tender'. A little tender? I was in actual physical pain. To the point where if my boyfriend had so much as touched them, I would have probably stabbed him in the eye with the nearest pointy object. In short, I just felt rubbish. But I yearned and looked forward to the 2nd trimester. When the books (which became my bible) enthusiastically informed me that I would be entering into a new, easier phase. That's right. The phase where you 'glow'. Where the sickness subsides and you get your energy back in leaps and bounds. And what a special time that was.

All 2 weeks of it.

After that it was back to feeling the norm:

Tired.
Sick.
Irritable.
Weak.
Dizzy.
Fucked off.

And its pretty much been like that ever since. And I'm 35 weeks now. Only 5 more weeks to go. And they cannot come quick enough.

I do feel guilty for moaning. Whatever this little one has put me through for what has been PRETTY MUCH THE WHOLE OF THIS YEAR, I know she'll be worth it when I have her in my arms. Well, at first anyway. As one particularly wise Twitterer pointed out:

The first 12 years are amazing and you will love them more than anything. After that the thought will cross your mind 'If she got struck by lightning I could turn her room into an office.....'

But in 5 weeks time it'll be over. And then I'll have the chronic tiredness and even sorer breasts. I'm blocking out the reason why the books are telling me to stock up on maternity pads.
Brilliant.

And any ideas that things would go straight back to normal were literally just diminished by my boyfriend, who just wandered into the room and interrupted me mid-blogging to ask:

"What are those clothes in the middle drawer?"

"My clubbing tops", I replied, "For going out in".

"Ha", he literally just retorted, "your clubbing days are over".

But hey ho. I can handle that. I can handle the dirty nappies and the sleepless nights. And hopefully we'll be one of those couples who wakes up at 6am to the sound of our wailing child and literally races each other to the cot to see who can get there first.

Hopefully.

So, apologies for the moaning. It was either you lot or I continue to whine at my poor, supportive bloke. But he's about to kick me out of the flat and stick me on a list for a council flat.

Sorry.

10 comments:

P said...

Sorry, I had to laugh at this. BUT . . . not long to go now. Yay!

Red Boots said...

I'm pregnant too, and no, pregnancy does not agree with me either. I've got gestational diabetes, back pain, a stitch in my belly when I walk anywhere, I get tired and grumpy. I felt like vomiting for nearly 5 months solid. And my skin has gone mental. I can't put anything near it, not even face wash, without it breaking out in a glowing red rash! So you're not alone, and you've not got far to go either!

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Adloyada said...

It's so much better when we are being honest and that way feel less fucked off about things... thanks for your post- at ten weeks- had to tell the BF to leave- his jealousy over nothing fits where too much for me to physically handle nor mentally to say the least

Adloyada said...

Thanks for the post- at ten weeks now..

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