You are exactly where you are supposed to be

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I've sat and stared at this laptop a few times over the past 4 weeks. Trying to write about what is going on. Every single time I come up blank. I know that a good blogger has to write about the good and the bad. That pretending everything is happy and rosy by posting pictures of smiley babies and sparkly cupcakes isn't real life. But my situation is personal. And I don't think Ava wants to read back on what's happening in 15 years time. I know I certainly don't want her to.

But I have been thinking about my impending thirtieth birthday. About where I am right now. And about where I want to be. And I'm exactly where I want to be I think. Which is weird. Cause right now I kind of feel like I'm in the middle of a big ol' mess.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. That we don't have any control over it. Some people think I'm nuts and that you make your own luck. Find your own path. That you are in charge of your own destiny. 

I don't agree.

Maybe it boils back to my batshit crazy theories on cosmic ordering. Maybe it's just a naive optimism that the bitterness of life hasn't managed to remove yet. 

We've all been there. That horrible break-up where you are convinced that you just need to find that one sentence. Those elusive perfect words that will make the other person change their mind. Well guess what? They won't.  Because I believe that if that person is meant to come back to you then they will anyway.

Or the job you wanted but didn't get. The excruciating fear that at your age maybe you should have found your niche by now. Carved out more of a career. Don't sweat it so much. Because I believe that if you are going to land that dream job of yours then it's in the hands of the gods whether it happens when you are 21 or 40. 

It's out of your control.

Many might think my hippie ideas border on laziness. An excuse not to grab life by the balls. Not to make things happen for yourself. But I am far from lazy. And I have always got what I wanted. There is absolutely nothing in this world that I can genuinely look back on and feel I missed out. 

It's not crazy, or new-age or even slightly mental to believe in fate. All you need in this life is patience, optimism and some self-belief. And good things will happen.

And those words up there at the top of the page? I will tell Ava those words whenever I think she needs to hear them. When she doesn't get the lead in the school play, when I am wiping away the tears from a broken heart or when she is thousands of miles away on some adventure and is just missing home.

Know why?

Cause they are bloody true.