Wednesday, 13 November 2013

How to do online dating the Dawnie way

This actually happened.

Yep, I went there. It seems that everyone else is jumping on the bandwagon these days & being an online dating virgin, I decided to give it a go. The results so far have been less than positive. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I attract the loons. Maybe I don't put in enough effort. Or maybe my heart's just not in it.

But my luck in the online dating world so far?

Not good.

Here's a few tips out there to any potential suitors thinking about messaging me.....

If you are holding a bottle of buckfast in your profile picture, I'm not going to message you back. Same goes if you have a fringe.

If your opening line is "I would", then you probably won't.

If your tagline says "Plenty of pish more like" then you're obviously a bellend.

If you don't have a profile picture then don't expect a lot of luck, I would like to think of myself as not TOO shallow and I agree that looks fade, but the idea that I could actually be talking to a 90 year old woman just freaks me out. Sorry.

When I ignore you so much that I end up having to block you, don't Google stalk me until you find my email address and then send me freaky messages during the night (this also actually happened).

If we actually get so far as to make the progression from the dating website messenger onto Whatsapp, for goodness sake don't go off on one if I don't message you back quick enough. We haven't even met yet. (Dodged a bullet with that one).

If you are chatting, try and make your answers a bit more interesting than "yeah", "nah" and "LOL".

Don't make up your occupation. Jedi means you are unemployed and superhero means you probably work in a petrol station.

Don't message me if you are female when I have clearly stated that I am looking for a man. Except you Sam23985, you were quite hot so I have favourited you just in case my luck doesn't get any better.

If your username is Queuehereladies121 or Comeandgetityouknowyouwantit then I won't be replying.

If you are holding a gun in your profile picture. Enough said.

When you don't get a reply, don't write "Think you are too good for me do you?!?! What you aiming for, Brad Pitt? Bitch". Cause that's not gonna make me change my mind.

If you spell my name Don I will never meet  you. Ever.

And for the record? 
I was way out his league ;)


Anonymous said...

I didn't reply to one chap for 12 hours (it was midnight when he messaged me in the first place) he replied "You're just a f**cking cock tease pretending to be online dating!!" Oh. I definitely wasn't asleep and then working, no?

Anonymous said...

Ps @Sarahies on Twitter x

daisychain said...

this post cracked me up...I met a few twats before I found Ben!

BooksandBoardies said...

Hahaha I love this post I too have had my fair share of weirdness on dating sites over the years.

Dawn Young said...

Being needy before you've even met is slightly worrying I find.

Dawn Young said...

Gotta keep kissing those frogs ;)

Dawn Young said...

I think it must come with the territory.....

Linsay said...

I love this post. It's slim pickings out there unfortunately. x

Unknown said...

Well, these are very interesting tips shared in a very funny and attractive manner. Online dating is full of excitements, but going smoothly and wisely can avail best dating experience. Recently I also experienced Persian dating online which gifted me my perfect Persian woman at and it was a great time for me. I started loving online dating after that.

Unknown said...

There are many of folks who wants to have relationships along with transgendered men and women. Societal problems not-withstanding towards transgendered men and women and also towards homosexuality decrease some people by pursuing wholesome relationships along with transgendered people. Yet, you will discover transgendered men and women around that are looking for real relationships and also you will discover non-transgendered men and women around who desires relationships with them. If you want to know more about transsexual then just visit our transsexual dating advice website.

Unknown said...

Who is aware of you meet the love of your life chatting for no reason. on-line chemical analysis could be a trendy system that permits people to satisfy on-line

Unknown said...

Dating on-line services ar touch the jackpot of late. whereas alternative net business ar floundering, chemical analysis on-line services have a noted increase in variety of users and customers. There ar quite 700 chemical analysis on-line services within the u. s. alone and new sites ar cropping up weekly.