Wednesday, 13 November 2013

How to do online dating the Dawnie way

This actually happened.


Yep, I went there. It seems that everyone else is jumping on the bandwagon these days & being an online dating virgin, I decided to give it a go. The results so far have been less than positive. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I attract the loons. Maybe I don't put in enough effort. Or maybe my heart's just not in it.

But my luck in the online dating world so far?

Not good.

Here's a few tips out there to any potential suitors thinking about messaging me.....


If you are holding a bottle of buckfast in your profile picture, I'm not going to message you back. Same goes if you have a fringe.

If your opening line is "I would", then you probably won't.

If your tagline says "Plenty of pish more like" then you're obviously a bellend.

If you don't have a profile picture then don't expect a lot of luck, I would like to think of myself as not TOO shallow and I agree that looks fade, but the idea that I could actually be talking to a 90 year old woman just freaks me out. Sorry.

When I ignore you so much that I end up having to block you, don't Google stalk me until you find my email address and then send me freaky messages during the night (this also actually happened).

If we actually get so far as to make the progression from the dating website messenger onto Whatsapp, for goodness sake don't go off on one if I don't message you back quick enough. We haven't even met yet. (Dodged a bullet with that one).

If you are chatting, try and make your answers a bit more interesting than "yeah", "nah" and "LOL".

Don't make up your occupation. Jedi means you are unemployed and superhero means you probably work in a petrol station.

Don't message me if you are female when I have clearly stated that I am looking for a man. Except you Sam23985, you were quite hot so I have favourited you just in case my luck doesn't get any better.

If your username is Queuehereladies121 or Comeandgetityouknowyouwantit then I won't be replying.

If you are holding a gun in your profile picture. Enough said.

When you don't get a reply, don't write "Think you are too good for me do you?!?! What you aiming for, Brad Pitt? Bitch". Cause that's not gonna make me change my mind.

If you spell my name Don I will never meet  you. Ever.


And for the record? 
I was way out his league ;)

12 comments:

Sarah Corsets-UK said...

I didn't reply to one chap for 12 hours (it was midnight when he messaged me in the first place) he replied "You're just a f**cking cock tease pretending to be online dating!!" Oh. I definitely wasn't asleep and then working, no?

Sarah Corsets-UK said...

Ps @Sarahies on Twitter x

daisychain said...

this post cracked me up...I met a few twats before I found Ben!

Emskibeach said...

Hahaha I love this post I too have had my fair share of weirdness on dating sites over the years.
x

Dawniepopsies said...

Being needy before you've even met is slightly worrying I find.

Dawniepopsies said...

Gotta keep kissing those frogs ;)

Dawniepopsies said...

I think it must come with the territory.....

Linsay said...

I love this post. It's slim pickings out there unfortunately. x

www.misslinnyo.blogspot.com

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