Thursday, 3 April 2014

It's going down, I'm yelling Tinder...

 


So let's talk about Tinder. Having previously put it down as a casual sex app, my impression started to change towards the end of last year when I saw more and more of my fellow single female buddies tweeting about it. Girls that are not likely to be using booty call phone apps. I was sick of Plenty of Fish. My love/hate affair with that horrible app was angling more towards the hate side. Not only was I getting approached by an inordinate amount of chavs but I had even managed to get myself into a situation, without any encourage from myself I might add, where one guy had started emailing me slightly disturbing messages in the middle of the night.

So I deleted my POF account and I joined Tinder. I loved the idea of it. That only men you had said 'yes' to could message you. Therefore if you had approved their picture you were essentially 'approving' contact. No more worrying about steroid pumped crazies with muscles bigger than my thigh messaging me casual threats when I didn't reply to them quick enough. And likewise no more weirdos with no profile picture pestering the life out of me for a date. 

'Shopping for boys', I thought. This is going to be fun.

And it kind of is. Although I tend to treat it more like Candy Crush than an actual dating app if I'm honest. Usually I pick it up when I am laying on the sofa of an evening and Eastenders are labouring another boring and far too lengthy storyline involving Dot Cotton. I find my mind start to wander. I check Instagram, have a nosy on Twitter, then find myself on Tinder casually swiping one way or the other. Admiring the hotties and wincing at the crazies in the S&M gear in equal measure.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news - but the hot to not ratio of men generally leans towards the not side. Get too into swiping no and it becomes almost robotic. No, no, no. Swipe left, left, left. Before suddenly some dark Italian with eyes you could drown in and shoulders broader than the Thames jumps into view and in your robotically hypnotised state you accidently swipe to the left. And that's it. You can't get him back. He is gone forever. Lost in the hot boy abyss as you scream 'nooooo' at your phone before throwing it at the telly in a fit of rage. The same applies the other way too. I have hit 'yes' accidentally on one too many occasions only to have to ignore their messages and file them in the 'pay more attention' file I have created in my inbox. I'm aware how absolutely superficial this all sounds. But come on, we are talking about an app that asks you to choose a mating/dating partner based solely on what they look like so what do you expect?

I deleted Tinder back at the beginning of February because I was becoming bored with the whole online dating thing. I had went on a few dates with some really nice blokes but no-one had particularly prompted me to want to see them again. And I wasn't having enough fun at any of the dates to warrant continuing on my quest. As always when I delete these things, I happily mosey along for a few weeks quite content with cosy nights in with Ava and reruns of Rebus, only to eventually get a bit bored. The memory of my last tedious and uneventful date with someone who bore no resemblence to their profile picture starts to fade and I think "bugger it, I'll get back on the dating wagon'.

But my problem is this. And this might come across as a little harsh but let's face it, there's none of us getting any younger here so I am just going to put it out there. I cannot be bothered messing about talking to someone for two weeks only to meet them and discover they are a tosser in the space of two minutes. However there are rules. I don't message a guy first and until recently I would never ask them to meet me first either. Mostly because I'm old-fashioned but mainly because I don't want them to think I'm a hooker.  But recently, after 7 days of pissing about asking me 'what I like to cook' and 'what star sign I am', I have found myself saying to them in an exasperated fashion:

 'SO ARE YOU EVER GOING TO ASK ME OUT FOR A DRINK THEN?'

Thankfully the answer has always been yes. So far. And thus you meet and you can actually have a face to face conversation and work out if you really do have a spark with someone or not. And therein lies the rub - and my real problem with online dating, I just don't have the energy for 'the chat'. In my experience, when you meet someone you know. You can tell instantly if there is chemistry or not. And so I download, I peruse, I hit like and then I usually end up ignoring. Cause the truth is I am just not really in the mood for dating right now.

Tinder can be fun. It most definitely has a time and a place. And when I start waking up after a night out too terrified to look at my Whatsapp and then spend the entire day with my mobile in the freezer cause I'm too scared to see what can of worms I have drunkenly opened now, then I most definitely will be getting back on that Tinder wagon.

But for now I think I will just stick to flirting with the hot UPS guy.

And repeats of old Scottish detective dramas on telly.

If you enjoyed this post then you can read more about my experiences with online dating right here.

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