Sunday, 1 June 2014

He's just not that into you

There are many things my 30 year old self knows now that I didn't when I was 21. I know a weekend drinking session will inevitably leave me in a state of exhaustion until the Tuesday. I know that I am comfortable with myself and my body in a way that my naive and inexperienced person wasn't 10 years ago. I know that it doesn't matter what other people think of you so long as you are kind and I know that the secret to being happy is to always look forward and to never look back. But there's something else I know now that I didn't fully comprehend when I was 21.

That when it comes to boys, sometimes they are just not that into you.

Although I wouldn't say that I spent my twenties being messed around by many blokes, I definitely allowed a couple of people to hang around my life for longer than I really should have. You know the ones. The ones you only ever hear from when they are drunk. Or the ones who blow so hot and cold it's hard to know if you are coming or going. I remember those midnight calls to tell me he loved me then hearing nothing for days, sometimes weeks. I've been the girl who has sat in front of her friends and insisted he cared when it was obvious to all he was messing me about. I've sent the texts demanding to know where I stand only to be met with nothing but silence. And I don't regret those dalliances for a minute. They taught me everything I needed to know about the big bad world. These guys are a rite of passage for girls growing up. They teach you how to hurt and get over it, what signs to look out for as you get older and how to deal with people who play games.

So to the two in particular who messed me around for that tiny bit longer than I should have allowed: 

Thanks boys.

I was 17 with you and I was 25 with you. And I still think about you sometimes. But just mainly when I am laughing at you for still sending me Facebook messages at 2am.

My point is not to have a go at any of my questionable ex-boyfriends. My point is that now I am a bit longer in the tooth I just can't be bothered with messing around anymore. Just like I no longer have any interest in bitching behind people's backs or wearing ridiculously dark lipliner, I really don't see the point in entertaining someone I genuinely care about if they don't feel the same way back.

I'm kind of aware of the fact that it will be a year soon since I became single and that I haven't entered into another proper relationship yet. There's been some first dates. But hardly any second. And I'm currently trying to work out if this is because I need to stop being so picky or if it's because deep down I am still not ready for another boyfriend. 

I do know this though and I believe that every single girl who genuinely cares for someone should remember it. If he cares, he will call. If he wants you, he will text you. And if he needs to prove this to you then he will bend over backwards just to do so.

And if he doesn't?

Then he's just not that into you. 


Sarah said...

I can totally relate to this! I spent a lot of my 20s waiting for texts and phone calls that just never came. Sometimes i wish i could go back and tell myself not to waste my time with those boys but then i think it was a learning experience that taught me to make better decisions in the future. :)

Kirsty said...


Kirsty said...

...Actually I think it's bump, but you get me! xx