Wednesday, 6 August 2014

Fast Love

If there's one thing I've noticed in relationships that's different now I'm older, it's that everything seems to move much faster. My first proper relationship was a slow burner. I mean I'm pretty sure at the beginning I was actually courting. There was one date a week to begin with. Then maybe two a week. And even after we officially became a couple it was still 6 months before either of us said the L word. At the time this seemed completely normal. I think it was. I think that's the reason we made it four years. Nowadays most of the relationships I get into seem to move very quickly. And it's got me to thinking. Are things that are rushed always doomed to fail? Is the old adage 'you can't hurry love' (thanks Phil) correct? I'm beginning to think so. I have friends who swear blind that any relationship that moves quickly is bound to end suddenly. My sister (the dating guru) has advised me many a time to never trust a man who is too intense or full on during those first few throes of a relationship.

But aren't those first few throes the best bit? When your stomach does that fluttery thing when he texts you and your knees go weak the second you see him. When you can't be away from each other for more than 30 minutes without texting. When you're nervous about cooking for him and you take yourself underwear shopping just to impress him.

But no matter how much he might make your eyes twinkle or your brain turn to mush, I think that it's important to keep your wits about you.


Because the evidence would suggest that fast love (thanks George) is doomed to fail. And usually does. Step up Britney. And Jordan. And John Mayer. For some it's probably an age thing. A desire to settle down. A fear that time may be running out. For others I think it's more about getting caught up in that heady rush of blood to the head you get when you first meet someone. But deciding that the love of your life is someone you don't even know can be dangerous. By the time you actually do get to know them you can be in for all types of surprises. That's if they're even still around by that point.

While I don't want to take aim at any gender in particular, I think that in these kinds of situations it is usually the women who get hurt while the man moves onto pastures new. Women invest more emotionally for a start. They believe everything they are being told. Because they want to believe it. And personally, I think that the man who commits too soon is someone to be wary of. And to be avoided at all costs. Generally I think one of two things is happening: the guy has an agenda (this can usually be sussed out by how quickly he moves onto another women after it ends) or the guy is needy and co-dependent. Neither look great for your future happiness though do they?

For the first time in a year I am truly at a stage where I can say I want to be with someone. The idea of a relationship is something I have become much more open to. I want someone to come home to after a night out with the girls. I want someone to cook for and someone who will look after me when I'm ill. I want a partnership and a friendship and all that comes with it. I want to be with someone who makes me happy and for Ava to see her Mum with someone who makes her happy.

But I won't rush it.

Because you can't rush something you want to last forever.

Can you?

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