Sunday, 11 September 2016

YOU WERE ALWAYS ENOUGH


I'd be lying if I said 2016 had been everything I'd hoped for so far. It actually ended up being quite the opposite. And despite being surrounded by so much greatness, I ended up having one of the worst years of my life. 2016 saw me dealing with a whole host of insecurities & issues that I had been hoping I had put to bed. After being what I can only describe as an abundantly healthy, annoyingly happy & smugly optimistic person for a good number of years, the one thing I feared more than anything in the whole world happened. I forgot who I was.

I don't want to go into huge detail. Only to say that what started with severe insomnia, grew steadily into acute anxiety. Anxiety transcended into a totally unfounded constant state of near panic. Going to work became difficult, leaving the house near impossible. I lost sight of everything that was good around me and my head descended into what can only be described as chaos. Looking back I can see that I just wasn't well. At the time I thought I might be losing my mind.

I was lucky enough to have a strong network of support around me. People who would have walked over hot coals to look after me. Who would never have dreamt of turning their back on me. To all of those people (and you know who you are) - thank you. To the sisters who took time off their work to be there for me, to the ex who found himself sleeping on my sofa most nights so he could be there when Ava woke up & to the friends who texted me late into the night to tell me how proud they were of me. Thank you.

The purpose of this post is not to hark on or cast back on what was a dark few months. It's to tell anyone who might be going through a similar situation to hang on. To trust me when I say it gets better. Because it does. It really, really does. And when it does you start to forget the bad stuff. You suddenly look around you and see all the amazing stuff again. The stuff that was always there. The stuff that never actually left. So I want to talk about what 2016 has taught me so far. And it's taught me a lot.

I've learned to keep being grateful. To always strive to be kind. But to forgive yourself if you're not. It's taught me that happiness is a luxury you can't afford to take for granted. That positivity is key. To forget what you don't have. To focus on what you do. That you become what you think about. That you are what you believe. To exercise. To meditate. To heal your soul and the rest will follow suit. Don't compare yourself to others. This is your story. Most importantly don't be sorry for who you are. Because you are enough. You were always enough.

These days? I feel ridiculously better. I love my job, Ava is happy and thriving in a school environment she was so very ready for (and getting super excited for her 5th birthday party this month). I'm still managing to maintain a brilliantly balanced & healthy relationship with her Dad. I'm cooking again, I'm running again and I'm still surrounded by a bevvie of strong, independent and clever woman who not only remind me constantly what a brilliant job I'm doing but who inspire me to be better every single day. 

There's a hundred parts of me I want to change. Both inside and out. But I'm not here to talk about the bad stuff. Not in this particular blog post. Not today. Today I will focus on the good. And push insecurities or niggles I have about myself away. I'm a strong, happy and positive young girl, with a fantastic future in front of her and an arse that still apparently makes men go weak at the knees.

And you know what? 

That's more than enough for me.

7 comments:

laura said...

I don't have words to do this post justice, but at the same time I didn't want to read and run. Sending love x

Janie said...

Glad to hear you are feeling a lot better. Anxiety is a horrid illness. A brilliant post and wishing you all the best.

Dawn Young said...

Thank you for commenting xxx

Dawn Young said...

Thank you :) xxx

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