Detox Schmeetox

Anyone who knows me, or follows me on Twitter, will be aware that I start a detox every 3 weeks. They last about 3 days before I give up & succumb to the lure of a chilled glass of Pinot or an excessively large bag of popcorn. I'm weak. I'm pathetic. I have no willpower. I admit it.

But I have got to get rid of this junk in the trunk. This newly acquired junk. I bet you I'm the only person you know who goes to L.A. and PUTS ON weight. Oh yes, thats right, I like to go against convention. Having spent some time there last September, I actually managed to lose a few pounds on that trip. Probably a combination of strong sun, being too drunk to eat and being in the flushes of a holiday romance.

Flash forward to the beginning of 2010. I have returned to California for 6 weeks. One of the reasons being to see such holiday romance. 3 weeks in we called it a day. It wasn't meant to be. My reaction? To eat and drink my way through the rest of my time in L.A. And I had a bloody good time doing it. The way I saw it, I was sick to the back teeth of blokes, so finding a boyfriend or even a one night stand was the last thing on my mind. In fact I was so disillusioned with blokes that I was struggling just to have a pleasant conversation with one without wanting to throw him against a wall and demand he tell me why the male gender were all such selfish tossers. So for the last 3 weeks of my time there I ate burgers, drank cocktails & consumed vast quantities of American candy. And I loved every minute of it. Don't get me wrong. I was under no illusions. I knew I was putting on weight but I was quite comfortable with it. No one had to see me naked. And anyway I would work my ass off at getting it all back off when I got home. At least that was the plan.......

So I got home and I had put on a stone. Still being an avid man-hater at this point, my motivation to lose it was slightly lacking. However, I have recently been thawing out a little. I even went on a date last week. Slowly I am coming round to the idea that you blokes are not all bastards. And more importantly, someone I care about deeply has come back into my life. Albeit he is very much a background shadow. So having allowed myself to consider (consider only) the idea of falling in love again, I have decided that the fun's over. Its time to get this last half a stone off. Not just because I haven't had sex in a while (as my flatmate kindly pointed out to me whilst food shopping in Iceland the other day).

I know some of you are thinking 'get over yourself' or 'you are hardly obese'. But you don't understand......I have some reeeeally nice clothes. I mean REALLY nice clothes. And they are just hanging up there begging to be worn. I am not chucking out a predominantly size 10 wardrobe and buying all new size 12's. Screw that. That is admitting defeat. And I CAN DO THIS. Yes I can. I can. I CAN.....(sorry for shouting).

And anyway to quote Cheryl Cole (told you this blog wasn't high-brow): 'I remember getting on the scales and crying because I was nine and a half stone. Nine and a half stone when I'm only 5ft 3in'. Well if Cheryl thinks I'm fat.......

I quit the gym a few weeks ago which is one of the reasons I managed to lose what I have so far (more about that later....) So I need to kickstart losing the rest with a bit of a detox. Starting today. Day 1. D-Day. I'm thinking if I blog it then maybe I might actually do it. This is a nice theory obviously.

My problem is booze. I simply cannot resist the stuff & rarely make it to Wednesday without a glass of wine or a cheeky vodka & tonic. Even if its just in front of the TV. Its not like I get drunk every night. But my mid-week tipple relaxes me. It makes me feel self-indulgent and happy. However, it is doing nothing for my waistline. And when I do go out and get drunk (& this happens pretty regularly too I'm afraid), I eat like there is no tomorrow the next day. Anything fattening, sugary or carbilicious I devour like a crazed animal. I simply can't NOT binge with a hangover. It just can't be done. I have tried & failed. Many a time. So in order to do this 10 day detox, I will not be able to drink. The good thing is that I haven't had a drink or a cigarette since last Saturday night. So I am starting out on good footing. We'll disregard the vast quantities of chocolate and crisps I have inhaled over the last 3 evenings.

THE GOAL: my sisters birthday night out. July 25th. I WILL be looking slinky (well slinkier). So for the next 10 days??? No carbs, no sugar and NO alcohol.



This is only day one......I've had a yogurt, & I have a tuna salad for lunch. Dinner will be soup. This is the kind of eating pattern I want to follow for the next 9 days. My only treat will be a lowfat options hot chocolate or Horlicks when I have trouble sleeping. This is a must. If I don't get my sleep I am a grumpy bitch. And when I am tired I eat. Kind of what I'm like when I am hungover (see above).

I will keep you all posted............