Thursday, 15 July 2010

Detox Schmeetox

Anyone who knows me, or follows me on Twitter, will be aware that I start a detox every 3 weeks. They last about 3 days before I give up & succumb to the lure of a chilled glass of Pinot or an excessively large bag of popcorn. I'm weak. I'm pathetic. I have no willpower. I admit it.

But I have got to get rid of this junk in the trunk. This newly acquired junk. I bet you I'm the only person you know who goes to L.A. and PUTS ON weight. Oh yes, thats right, I like to go against convention. Having spent some time there last September, I actually managed to lose a few pounds on that trip. Probably a combination of strong sun, being too drunk to eat and being in the flushes of a holiday romance.

Flash forward to the beginning of 2010. I have returned to California for 6 weeks. One of the reasons being to see such holiday romance. 3 weeks in we called it a day. It wasn't meant to be. My reaction? To eat and drink my way through the rest of my time in L.A. And I had a bloody good time doing it. The way I saw it, I was sick to the back teeth of blokes, so finding a boyfriend or even a one night stand was the last thing on my mind. In fact I was so disillusioned with blokes that I was struggling just to have a pleasant conversation with one without wanting to throw him against a wall and demand he tell me why the male gender were all such selfish tossers. So for the last 3 weeks of my time there I ate burgers, drank cocktails & consumed vast quantities of American candy. And I loved every minute of it. Don't get me wrong. I was under no illusions. I knew I was putting on weight but I was quite comfortable with it. No one had to see me naked. And anyway I would work my ass off at getting it all back off when I got home. At least that was the plan.......

So I got home and I had put on a stone. Still being an avid man-hater at this point, my motivation to lose it was slightly lacking. However, I have recently been thawing out a little. I even went on a date last week. Slowly I am coming round to the idea that you blokes are not all bastards. And more importantly, someone I care about deeply has come back into my life. Albeit he is very much a background shadow. So having allowed myself to consider (consider only) the idea of falling in love again, I have decided that the fun's over. Its time to get this last half a stone off. Not just because I haven't had sex in a while (as my flatmate kindly pointed out to me whilst food shopping in Iceland the other day).

I know some of you are thinking 'get over yourself' or 'you are hardly obese'. But you don't understand......I have some reeeeally nice clothes. I mean REALLY nice clothes. And they are just hanging up there begging to be worn. I am not chucking out a predominantly size 10 wardrobe and buying all new size 12's. Screw that. That is admitting defeat. And I CAN DO THIS. Yes I can. I can. I CAN.....(sorry for shouting).

And anyway to quote Cheryl Cole (told you this blog wasn't high-brow): 'I remember getting on the scales and crying because I was nine and a half stone. Nine and a half stone when I'm only 5ft 3in'. Well if Cheryl thinks I'm fat.......

I quit the gym a few weeks ago which is one of the reasons I managed to lose what I have so far (more about that later....) So I need to kickstart losing the rest with a bit of a detox. Starting today. Day 1. D-Day. I'm thinking if I blog it then maybe I might actually do it. This is a nice theory obviously.

My problem is booze. I simply cannot resist the stuff & rarely make it to Wednesday without a glass of wine or a cheeky vodka & tonic. Even if its just in front of the TV. Its not like I get drunk every night. But my mid-week tipple relaxes me. It makes me feel self-indulgent and happy. However, it is doing nothing for my waistline. And when I do go out and get drunk (& this happens pretty regularly too I'm afraid), I eat like there is no tomorrow the next day. Anything fattening, sugary or carbilicious I devour like a crazed animal. I simply can't NOT binge with a hangover. It just can't be done. I have tried & failed. Many a time. So in order to do this 10 day detox, I will not be able to drink. The good thing is that I haven't had a drink or a cigarette since last Saturday night. So I am starting out on good footing. We'll disregard the vast quantities of chocolate and crisps I have inhaled over the last 3 evenings.

THE GOAL: my sisters birthday night out. July 25th. I WILL be looking slinky (well slinkier). So for the next 10 days??? No carbs, no sugar and NO alcohol.

This is only day one......I've had a yogurt, & I have a tuna salad for lunch. Dinner will be soup. This is the kind of eating pattern I want to follow for the next 9 days. My only treat will be a lowfat options hot chocolate or Horlicks when I have trouble sleeping. This is a must. If I don't get my sleep I am a grumpy bitch. And when I am tired I eat. Kind of what I'm like when I am hungover (see above).

I will keep you all posted............


P said...

Well i'm just over ten stone so you have less to lose than me - take consolation in that. I will take this opportunity (as I do anytime ANYONE mentions dieting) to mention the Harcombe Diet, you can lose an average of five pounds in five days on it. If you google it, one of the newspapers online has a basic diet plan following its concept.

Helen McGinn said...

Hon, I feel your pain. I have no doubt you look great but it's all personal and the clothes of course! I have a stone to lose....being sandwiched between two beautiful, skinny, tall girls whilst doing yoga made me realise 'and fast'....but I'm more of the 'eat everything as normal but half the amount' kinda dieter. Works for me; only had two glasses of wine at the pub last night, rather than the usual four.... ;O) Thanks for stopping by my blog; hope that risotto didn't make you want to poke my eyeballs out......*L* xx