Monday, 16 August 2010

Why do I feel this party's over.....?

Once upon a time I could start drinking on a Thursday night and not stop till the early hours of the Monday morning. Once upon a time I could pull an all nighter then hit the pub at 11am the next day to watch the football and do it all over again. My only sustenance being a sneaky panini around 3pm to keep me going (no wonder I was so skinny). Once upon a time I could stay up all night on the Friday, go to my work as a waitress at 4pm on the Saturday, pop a couple of pro plus, and then hit the pub again with my mates when I finished at 11pm. Once upon a time a hangover meant a slightly fuzzy head and a couple of hours toying with the idea of a tactical spu to settle my unhappy stomach. A fat coke and a bacon roll were all I needed to sort myself out. Hangover??? What hangover? I laughed in the face of hangovers. I was hardcore.

Once upon a time I was 21. Well not anymore.

Nowadays a hangover means a whole lot more. A hangover is no longer just physical. Gone are the days of purely a dodgy tummy or a banging headache. I mean, I still get all these things, but they are accompanied by something much worse. Something that I only started suffering from at the grand old age of 25. What is this thing you ask?

The Fear.

It has only recently been brought to my attention that I am not the only one who suffers from The Fear. Hence my desire to write a blog post about it. When I suffer from the after-effects of a night on the booze these days I am usually plunged into a deep fit of depression not to be lightened until the next day (if I am lucky).

So what is The Fear? Different friends have different interpretations....

One friend I know usually only gets the fear when he suffers from memory loss. He describes it as that feeling you get when you wake up the next day and although you can't actually remember doing anything embarrassing, there is still a deep niggle that you did. Where you frantically check the sent items in your mobile phone and cautiously question your mates as to where you disappeared to for a whole hour last night when no-one could find you.

Another mate thinks of the fear as more of a mental state of mind that comes hand in hand with the physical consequences of too many tequilas. A low feeling of despair and depression. Of feeling helpless and upset and of not knowing why.

Me? Well for me it's definitely a bit of both. The absolute horror I experience upon waking up the next day and not remembering is second to none. This definitely gives me The Fear. But even when I can remember the entire night. Even when I know that it was a good one. That I didn't embarrass myself. That I wasn't bouncing off the walls. That I wasn't in any more of a drunken state than my friends. And that all in all it was actually a really good night, I still can't escape that sad and low feeling the next day. Of wanting to cry for no reason and of doing anything possible to avoid being alone with my own thoughts.

It's definitely an age thing. There's no doubt in my mind. Every single person I have spoken to has admitted that it only started happening when they hit their mid to late twenties, sometimes early thirties (for the lucky ones). Why it's started happening I don't know.

But for anyone interested I have found the only cure that works for me (and believe me I have tried everything). And that's company. The second I put myself in somebody else's company I am fine. I laugh and giggle while discussing the previous nights exploits and gossip over who embarrassed themselves.

Find someone to share some junk food and watch some trashy TV with and in the morning you WILL feel better. You always do.

But they do say that prevention is better than cure don't they. Maybe I need to calm down? Maybe I should try this moderation thing after all. Maybe I should just stick to the one glass of wine with dinner and then just the ONE quick cheeky cocktail before jumping in a taxi at 11pm to come home to an early night and a feeling of fresh smugness in the morning.

Maybe. Just maybe. It's finally time to grow up?


MPisthename said...

You are NOT alone!!
This my friend happens to me all the time and it's only since i've turned 25!
I felt like complete pants after my night out on Friday night which ended up at me strolling in at 4AM Saturday morning!
My problem I have no limits I can't just have one drink, I need to drink the whole bottle and then another and another, BUT I refuse the fact that it's time to grow up! I say we just find a cure to make us feel better the next day or if worst comes to worest we just stay drunk!!

smidge said...

My hangovers are immense, sometimes i end up spending the entire next day throwing up! I think it started mid 20s as well, my metabolism slowed right down - including my ability to drink as much as i'd like and deal with it the next day. I still drink, but not as much as the hangovers are just not worth the pain!

P said...

I actually said to someone the other day that I have had LESS Hangovers the older I get . . . in fact, it's my period pains that have got worse.

That being said, when I was younger I drank a lot less than I do now. And the more you drink, as far as I can see, the less bad the hangovers are. Not that I'm condoning excessive drinking, you understand . . . ;P

Anonymous said...

When I was in university, I could get up after a night out, and do organic chemistry lab reports at 10 am and have the mildest of hangovers. Hangovers now are much worse. They last a whole day. And I need a McDonald's meal (2 cheeseburgers, chicken mcnuggets AND fries), a glass of milk, an anti nauseant, an antacid, a glass of water, and a bunch of movies to make me feel better.