Sunday, 19 September 2010

Flirting with Danger?

I have a confession to make.

I flirt.

I flirt alot. In fact I am one of the flirtiest people I know. And I know alot of flirty people. I didn't actually realise just how much I flirted until I had a conversation with a good friend when I was about 19 years old. It went something like this:

Him: "So anyway, I didn't think much of it cause like, it's pretty much taken for granted that you flirt with everything and anything anyway. So I thought..."

Me: (cutting him off) "Woah, woah, woah. Go back. What?"

Now. I don't think there's actually all that much wrong with flirting. If you do it right it can reap many benefits, whilst actually making someone else feel a little good about themselves at the same time. I learned this a long time ago. Around the same time I learned that sometimes acting dumb can get you exactly what you want in life. Do I sound manipulative? I'm really not. But lets put it like this, I've never had to change a tyre or wire a plug in my life. And I don't apologise for it. Use it or lose it is my motto. If you don't like it, you are definitely reading the wrong blog.

But, back to my original point, I've recently become a little wary of utilising my amazing flirting skills. Why? Because certain situations over the past few years have caused me to ask a question which won't go away.

When is flirting just flirting and when are you actually leading someone up the garden path?

Many a time my flirting situations have just been a bit of friendly banter. A giggle with a married boss at work. Or a sneaky hands round the waist when trying to squeeze past the hot new barman. Nothing in it. But other times my flirting has got me into some difficult situations. The flirtee has become a friend. I've started to enjoy their company, want to spend more time with them and get to know them better. But just as a friend. And as this friendship gradually grows I start to realise that maybe my previous flirting exploits might have given them the wrong idea. So I put them straight. I explain to the bloke in question that I just want to be friends. He agrees. It's all good. I continue to flirt (naturally). And then a few months down the line there's a bitter fall out when he finally comes to accept that nothing will ever happen between us.

Now don't get me wrong, I've been on the other side of the situation. The flirting has made me want more from the bloke in question. Causing utter disappointment and hurt when I realise, that while he probably wouldn't be averse to a cheeky kiss or something more, that thats all he wants. And I have to take my feelings and scuttle back into my corner rueing the day I every allowed my little crush to develop.

But here's a perfect example of when my flirting can get me into trouble. I flirt with a guy, someone I know well, see often. Then I do something stupid like get very drunk with him and we share a kiss. We agree it's not a good idea and continue to get on like a house on fire and put our little clandestine rendevous to one side. And because we get on so well, and are able to continue without it being awkward, well Dawn continues to flirt. Cause that's just what I do right? But then it gets difficult. Lines get blurry. We're going for something to eat. "As friends?" I ask. "Of course", he says. I worry. He reassures me. I still worry. Cause sometimes you just know don't you?

So in short, I think I sometimes lead men on. And I really don't always mean to. But by admitting this at least I have some sort of self-awareness. I'm really not a bitch. Far from it, I've been told. And I've asked. Alot.

But double standards allow me to let myself away with such behaviour. If a guy leads a girl on, continues to sleep with an ex or just uses a girl for sex, then he's a bastard. A girl leads a guy on and it's not nice. But she's not really looked upon in the same way. I mean what's the big deal? She was just flirting....SHE didn't know the guy was secretely choosing all their kids names and deciding which kind of dog they are going to get.

So why do I sometimes lead blokes on? Attention maybe? Maybe I just love the drama? Maybe for an esteem-boost when I am having one of those awful 'Should I have a mortgage by now' moments?

Who knows?

But it's got to stop.

1 comment:

P said...

Yup, I do the same sometimes. Personally in my case I think it's because I need the ego boost!

Got your email by the way. Will definitely arrange to pop along at some point, and wine night soon. :) x