Friday, 15 June 2012

Enjoy these while you still can.

Whenever anyone who doesn't have any kids asks me what it's like to have a baby, I always answer with the same thing: that it's all kinds of awesome but that I took so much for granted before I had Ava and I wish that I hadn't.

So I have decided to do a post highlighting a few of the little things in life that you child-free ladies should enjoy while you still can.


  1. Enjoy your hangover. Don't sulk that your head is killing you and you shouldn't have had that 4th Jaegarbomb. And don't tweet that you are "never drinking again" while you stuff your face with unrefined sugar and white carbohydrates. Why? Because babies need attention all the time. They don't allow you to laze around on the sofa feeling sorry for yourself whilst watching boxsets. They need fed, they need played with and (worst of all) they need their nappy changed. Some of the longest days I have ever had with Ava have been the (albeit rare) ones where I have thrown caution to the wind the night before and drank too much Pinot Noir. I get  home to be greeted by a sleeping baby and a boyfriend who kindly offers me yet another glass of wine. 'Why not', I think. 'Maybe I am finally getting my life back a little'. YOU deserve it. YOU have worked hard for months and lived like a nun. Right? Wrong. Because your little bundle of joy will wake you up at 6am the next morning and then proceed to be the Victor Meldrew of the baby world for the entire day. 
  2. Enjoy your flight. Flying to your destination is always more enjoyable than flying home. But even when you are flying home, depressed and with a liver that now resembles pate, just look across at the two girls in the corner both sobbing their hearts out and wearing matching patterns of vomit down their tops. One will probably be in her early thirties (but look older). The other will no doubt still be wearing baby-grows. Have a nap on your flight. Watch a movie. Drink alot of wine. And appreciate all the space you have when you go to the toilet. Because believe me, you don't want to try and change a nappy in there.
  3. Enjoy Christmas Day. I remember my Mum telling me how it worked. You're a kid and it's the best day in the world. Then it sort of loses its allure and becomes just another holiday where you can get drunk and eat alot, like Easter or New Year. Then you have kids. And suddenly Christmas Day is the best day in the world again. Watching those little faces light up as they tear open the wrapping paper and say to you in disbelief "You mean we are seriously allowed to have ice-cream for breakfast?". And I can't wait for this. I really can't. But usually I lounge about the whole day in my pyjamas watching crap on telly. I start drinking at 7am and take tactical naps every couple of hours to ensure I make it to the Queens Speech. Last year was somewhat different. I couldn't exactly drink much given that I was breastfeeding. There was no napping given that I had a 3 month old human to look after and after trying to co-ordinate our 3 course lunch with Ava's naps/feeds, etc, the whole meal took about four and a half hours. Now don't get my wrong. I am ok with these changes. Christmas is about her now and I cannot wait to see her little face when she opens her eyes on Chrimbo morning to see a bulging stocking at the foot of her bed. I'm just saying - know what you are letting yourself in for.
  4. Enjoy your holiday. Appreciate the two week shagathon/bender for what it is. Because when you have a baby, holidays are a whole other kettle of fish. I usually come back with a half decent tan. Not this year. Mainly because I spent most of the time sitting in the shade or in a darkened room trying desperately to get my little bundle of joy to nap in completely alien and unfamiliar surroundings. It didn't help that Ava decided on our holiday to suddenly develop a phobia of water, meaning tanning time at the pool or beach became severely limited. And those people who constantly say 'Oooooh you're not very tanned are you?' to you on your return? Don't say what I said "It's hard to sunbathe with an 8 month old baby attached to you". Just hit them instead. Don't get me wrong. Our holiday was fab. It was fantastic to get away and to watch Ava adapt to different and new surroundings and smells. But it severely lacked a few things. Like sex, lilos, pina-coladas and bed times that were later than 10pm.
So there you go. Things you shouldn't take for granted.

You're welcome. X

8 comments:

Hazzelnut said...

This post made me giggle. I definitely agree.

daisychain said...

<3 this post!

P said...

Hahaha, glad my little hangover from our night out last night wasn't accompanied by baby screams!

Lisa-Marie said...

I think I bridge the gap between these two worlds. I'm a nanny, and a hands-on one, to three kids, but I go home to a mostly quiet flat and my husband, and lots of time to myself. If anything, being a nanny to a busy family has made it very clear to me that I should make the most of the ability to be a bit selfish before I have (very much hoped for) children!

Dawniepopsies said...

:-) x

Dawniepopsies said...

Gooood :) x

Dawniepopsies said...

Mine was :( x

Dawniepopsies said...

You are definitely lucky to have had your eyes opened to the work ahead! I wish I hadn't taken so much for granted. Although I wouldn't change things for a minute :) x