I'm so sick, sick, sick and tired

I love having a kid. 

Love it. 

Love, love, LOVE it.

BUT:

Has anyone else found that since having a baby they constantly feel half  the person they used to be? I mean physically. Mentally I guess I really do feel more complete (barf - sorry) if not a bit fucking exhausted. But man do I feel rubbish. All. The. Time.

It started with the lack of sleep. Meaning that I was constantly tired. Every day. Shattered. Relying on coffee (for the morning) and wine (for the evening) to keep me going and give me reasons to get up in the morning. Apart from Ava. Obviously. So the tiredness is part and parcel yeah? It kind of comes with the territory yes? Well I'm sleeping now. Don't get me wrong, our little penguin is still getting up a wee bit during the night. But for the past few weeks her lovely Dad has been bearing the brunt of the night settling while me and my boobs snooze away in perfect ignorance (we've kicked the breastfeeding. Almost). So why am I still knackered!?! Why do I still have to go to bed at 9pm every single night and why do I still have bags under my eyes that would rival the problem days at Terminal 5? Any ideas? Answers on a postcard.....

I asked Twitter. My go to for most questions of the parenting nature (Google is just too confusing). The answers varied from speculation that I sleep too lightly as I am so used to listening out for her wakening to getting my iron levels checked for anaemia to just being too bloody knackered from chasing around after a toddler all day. But there was one resounding answer that is apparently all conclusive: that this is normal and it won't get any better. In fact, now I am a Mum I am destined to spend the rest of my days in a constant state of extreme exhaustion. How this works I don't know. Will I still be eternally tired when she is at university? Lying awake worrying about how many sexual partners she has amassed in the two weeks she has been there and what drug of choice she is currently injecting as I count sheep? Because I don't remember anyone saying anything about this when I was pregnant. The sleepless nights when she is a newborn, yes. 

BUT NO-ONE MENTIONED THAT I WOULD BE TIRED FOREVER.

And the moaning. My Lord the moaning. Now I wouldn't say I am that much of a moaner. Don't get me wrong - I can hold my own. Particularly when I am tired, hungover or ill. Then my bloke becomes a bit of a man servant. Getting me cans of coke and crisps from the shop, running me baths and finding me clean PJ's all while cooking up something ridiculously unhealthy for dinner and trying to change a nappy and play with the kid. But apart from those (usually self-inflicted) episodes, I've always been a pretty much 'get on with it' girl. And now? I feel like all I do is moan. My boyfriend says I am not that bad. That I think I am worse than I am. But he has to say that as he seems to consider his balls to be quite precious to him and something he wants to keep. But why do I constantly feel so ill? If it isn't my back hurting (yes I know I should bend my knees when I pick up Ava) then its debilitating dizzy spells in the shower (I also know 800 calories a day whilst breastfeeding isn't too clever either). 

But I feel like its getting to the point that a day of being full of energy and feeling healthy is a day to be treasured as they are so few and far between. A day of sneaky sessions in the bedroom while she sleeps, big walks and trips to soft play. 

Cause God knows I'm gonna be moaning I'm too tired for the other 6 days of the week.

Is it just me?