Wednesday, 22 May 2013

You can't always get what you want.

Anyone who doesn't have the Rolling Stones song playing round in their head right now is clearly not cool enough to be reading this and needs to make their excuses and leave.....

So while my Mum was here we stayed up a little bit too late one night drinking a little bit too much wine.  During our drunken ramblings I had mentioned the fact that I was in a bit of a funk with my life at the minute. Nothing major. I just felt that things had kind of been put to a standstill and I was getting a bit scared that I was somehow missing the boat on something.

You see, my problem is that I am impatient. To a ridiculous degree. I can't wait on a bus without a magazine. Don't put me in a doctors surgery without my iPhone or I'll go spare. And this has always applied to everything I do in real life as well. From making social arrangements ('no - I need to know exactly what time we are meeting and where we are going RIGHT NOW') to the bigger things in life like my work. I'm not particularly frustrated with my work life at the moment. I'm just caught between a rock and hard place. I've had to cut my hours down as I don't have enough childcare to allow me to work as much as I would like to. And I am finding it a bit hard because really, if I could, I would probably go back to work full time.

I have 'missing the boat' syndrome.

During our chat, after many of those typical Mum assurances that there was "plenty of time" and that "what's for you won't go by you", she happened to drop Cosmic Ordering into the conversation. Now, I have always sort of believed in Cosmic Ordering but obviously I have never actually told anyone this for fear they would think I was some kind of lunatic channelling Noel Edmonds. But I do believe in it. And I always have done.

The reason why is that through my life, I have always felt really lucky. And I have always got what I wanted. In the end anyway. I haven't always got what I wanted at the time. There's been too many times I have felt that I missed the boat on something and then weirdly (often years later) that thing finds its way back to me one way or another.

So is it my positive mental attitude that's creating the right opportunities for me? Or is it something more? Like fate? I have no idea. I have a few friends who scoff at the idea of fate. "You make your own luck" they tell me. I find I am somewhere in the middle. You have to direct your life in some way - you can't sit on the sofa stoned the whole time like Brad Pitt in True Romance. But I don't think we have that much power over our future either. I've made some mistakes in my life and (although I know it's a cliché), I don't actually regret a single damn one of them. And some of these mistakes still make me wince a little when I think about them. But I believe that I was always going to make those mistakes and that they have shaped me as a person. A cop out to some. A way of admonishing guilt maybe. But the kind of people who think like that have always scared me a little. Far to quick to judge others in my opinion.

There's a few areas of my life I'm not completely fulfilled with at the moment. Things that I don't feel have any place in my writing just now. And maybe I ordered that Cosmic Ordering book four weeks ago to try and challenge those areas. Who knows? The book in itself is largely about the psyche. It's about thinking positively and allowing the brain to see and recognise good opportunities so you don't miss out on what you really want in life. And in a way I wonder if I sort of do that already.

Because, deep down, I sort of know I will get exactly what I really want in life. Eventually. 

Because Mum's are always right, aren't they?


The World According To Me said...

yep, mum's are always right.
Love that Rolling Stones song.

(Stumbled across your blog and rather like it.)

Dawn Young said...

Thank you ! X

Charlene | Dainty Dresses said...

Mum's are definitely always right. I believe in cosmic ordering too, although until I read this post I didn't know it was called that!

I also like the quote 'sometimes on the way to the dream you get lost and find a better one' too! x