Wednesday, 30 October 2013

How to do a birthday the Dawnie way

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Get ridiculously drunk and text your ex-boyfriend. The ex-boyfriend that you never think about any more. The one that you would actually rather die than let think you still have feelings for. Text him at 1am something ridiculously clever and witty like 'oops'. Wake up the next morning and spend the day in a state of utter mortification looking up flights to Yemen.

Text your current boyfriend to tell him how much you adore him. Turn into a dyslexic Christina Aguilera as you let him know how beautiful he is. Spend the morning trying to work out what 'phone h DOO' means. (This one wasn't me but if I did have a boyfriend I would definitely text him stuff like that).

Agree to having your photo taken with random men in fancy dress even though deep down inside you know you are going to appear on their Facebook page tomorrow morning with the caption 'shagged her' written underneath.

Lose your friend for a few seconds on the dance floor only to find her re-appear dressed head to toe as a Krayola crayon. Lose the crayon only to find it snogging Super Mario.

Get engaged to your pal. Take her ring from her and announce it to everyone. Cry with happiness to the point that even  your best friends start to wonder if there is something going on between the two of you.

Accidentally jump in the taxi and leave your friend standing outside the club. Not 'accidentally'. Like actually GENUINELY FORGET you were even out with her. Apologise a lot when she calls you and make the taxi driver do a U-turn to go back and pick her up. Then when you get to your destination accidentally shut the door on her head as you are getting out.

When said taxi driver asks where you are going say "my house duuuuuh" while your other friend falls asleep on his shoulder.

When the taxi pulls up at your house, try and jump in the taxi that has just pulled up behind who is also dropping a fare off and make them take you back into town.

Insist that the friend who is waddling up to your flat because she tried to take her tights off in the taxi is fine because she "likes them like that" and she is "NOT going to fall".

Proceed to walk into a wall.

Then try and get into the wrong flat.

Did I mention I love my friends?

Who are probably not talking to me anymore....

Just gonna go switch my phone off.


P said...

pissing myself laughing!

Unknown said...

Love, love, LOVE this post! So funny and such a good night! xx

Unknown said...

Amazing!!! Xx

Adele said...

This may not sound fair, because it’s not

But did you know that you can be a guy’s dream girl...

I mean, you can literally check off every box on his “perfect woman” list...

But if you mess up this one thing, he’ll drop you the second another option comes along?

My friend James Bauer discovered this missing “secret ingredient” all men are constantly searching for in a woman.

And most women have no clue it exists because guys aren’t even aware of it.

We just KNOW when it’s missing.

===> The “Secret Ingredient” to obsessive love <=====

The really cool thing is, when you know how to give a man this “secret ingredient”...

It will send a shockwave of desire for you straight to his brain and he will HAVE to have you.

In fact, when you do this... watch his face light up, almost as if he’s just been zapped.

It’s that moment when he says to himself “Where have you BEEN all my life?”

Every woman should know this. Check it out here: ====> Why men leave “perfect” women... <=====

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