Wednesday, 29 January 2014

The Single Life

Come on, you all knew it was coming. In fact you must have been positively wondering where on earth it was. I've been single now since July and I haven't written one anecdotal and sarcastic piece on single life yet. Possibly because it can take a while to recover from a bad break-up. Possibly because I've genuinely not really had much time to think about being single and what that means. But mostly because the biggest aspect of my being single is the parenting part. And sometimes I barely have time to brush my teeth.

In truth being a single mum is up there with period pains and deadlines. Not nearly as painful as I make out and if honest, I love the attention/pressure. But being a single parent is not what this post is about.

It's about whether or not I want a boyfriend. And for the most part I'm pretty nonplussed either way.

But then stuff like this happens...

I get in the bath only to discover I have left my towel in the bedroom. Not such a big deal in summer but in winter? Brr. But this was never an issue before. A quick text (yes, I text from the bath) and I could step into the waiting arms of my beloved and the warm towel he has so lovingly brought through for me. But is that reason enough to want a boyfriend?

Probably not.

Speaking of baths, I definitely miss not having anyone to top my wine glass up when I'm in there. And I'm in there a lot. Obviously Ava is getting better at this but I just feel really bad waking her up at 9pm to refill my drink ;)

I miss Sundays. A Sunday off work is the one day that you will find me feeling a bit sorry for myself and missing a relationship. It doesn't matter how I fill my day -soft play with penguin, lunch with the girls or shopping in town, I still miss holding hands in Queens Park and walks to the pub on cold afternoons for a pint. I miss cooking a Sunday roast together. A Sunday roast for one? Just not worth the effort. I miss lazy long afternoon baths (we're on baths again) whilst I listen to the murmurs of  Ava contentedly playing as someone else watches over her and lets me relax. So yeah,  I said it. Sunday's suck a bit. But as long as I am quite happy being on my own Monday to Saturday then I can definitely handle the odd angsty holy day.

Now I am sure there are a few single (and co-habiting) mums out there who will be with  me on this one. Some days you put the kid to bed, sit down and think what a complete massive bloody failure you have been that day. The kid has whined and moaned. You have whined and moaned. You skipped an educational afternoon full of animals and fresh air for a day of cBeebies and the sofa. You made her chicken nuggets instead of a healthy cottage pie and you gave into every single request for biscuits/crisps/chocolate because you just couldn't be bothered with the aggro. These are the days when I'm a bit pathetic and need someone to remind me I'm a good mum. That I'm doing ok and that I shouldn't beat myself up too much. Anyone who knows me knows what a massive guilt complex I have about OH PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING I do/don't do/should do. For the most part I fill our days as best I can, limit the telly and keep her diet healthy. But on the days that I don't and I feel myself clock watching till 7pm so I can finally have that glass of wine, I feel like a big fat failure and it is kind of nice to have someone give you a cuddle and a little bit of reassurance on those days.

This guilt complex also applies to the fact that I don't have to feel bad or lie when I buy new clothes now. Not that I ever did that either you understand, ahem.

It's also pretty special having someone who knows you inside out. Having someone who knows that a L'Occitane hand cream or a few Lush bath bombs will always put a smile on your face is a nice thing to have. I know, I know, romance doesn't always mean presents (it does), but still. And it's nice at Christmas to have someone who knows exactly what make of face serum you love or what kitchen appliance you have been dying to get your hands on for ages. I'm not saying I miss presents. I'm genuinely not that superficial. But it is nice knowing you have someone who knows you so well and always gets it right. Apologies in advance to any girls out there whose husbands bought them a filing cabinet for Christmas.

Finally I keep cooking too much. Single girl problems. But every time I cook something for dinner I end up with masses that has to be frozen. Given that I like to cook at least 3 new recipes a week, I seem to be finding myself eating the same things more and more just to use them up. And this annoys me. But again, it's not really a reason to want a boyfriend is it?

So there it is. That's all I got. That's the only reasons I can think of to not want to be single.

For now, I can live without sex. Which'll be thanks to Ava's new habit of getting up at 5.30am (kill me now).  But if I'm still saying that in three months then for goodness sake someone get me speed dating or something. I can live without romantic dinners (I go on enough dinners with the girls and really I'm only about the food anyway). Of course I miss getting flowers or someone buying me the CD I mentioned I wanted last week but in all honesty I really don't have a problem with buying those things myself. In fact at the moment I kind of like it.

A girl of the nineties, The Spice Girls must have left their mark.

I was never a big cuddler in bed (apart from that awesome beginning bit) and now I have Ava sleeping in her own bed, I'm kind of enjoying the space. Don't tell Germaine Greer but I've always quite liked being a bit motherly so whilst I don't actually mind doing housework or ironing shirts, I sure as hell can't be bothered with the football always being on or having to hear about what hilarious thing 'Jennifer' in the office said today. That's never actually happened. There is no Jennifer. But you still get my drift.

I can sit in front of Celebrity Big Brother squeezing whipped cream straight into my mouth without anyone judging me. Not that I ever do that either.

Even bigger ahem.

I have a family visit over to Cyprus with Ava booked soon, a whisky and wine night in Dunoon coming up with one of my favourite girls and a week in Portugal hopefully happening later in the year with my bestie. And I'm not missing a man's company or attention one iota yet. I even went to a wedding on my own recently and never batted an eyelid. I did get extraordinarily drunk though and miss half the night so in retrospect maybe a date to keep an eye on me wouldn't have been a bad idea....

So there's where I'm at.
I'm done with the internet dating because all I ever get is Norman Bates with an iPhone.
I'm not looking but if something comes along then it comes along.
And in the meantime I will just stock up on whipped cream.
And buy lots of new clothes ;)

1 comment:

P said...

There's always good points and bad points to be single OR in a relationship... and you've hit the nail on the head with a lot of those! Plus your friends are always there to remind you what a good mum you are. :-) xx