Wednesday, 23 April 2014

Just keep being kind

 Childless me was smug. 'My kids will be so well behaved', I used to think. 'I won't put up with any nonsense'.  

Pregnant me got a little scared. 'What if I'm a rubbish parent?', I began to think. 'What if it's more nature than nurture and my child turns out to be an absolute brat?'. 

And as I was tossing and turning in bed last night (a combination of too much Easter sugar and missing my little girl like hell), I began to think about what kind of person she would become. About what kind of person I wanted Ava to be. I thought about some of the things I needed to tell her. There's so much that I want her to know...


I want to tell her to find something that she loves and to do it every single day. To dream big. I'd try to get her to understand that she will get there when she is supposed to get there. Maybe she will get there quickly. Maybe she'll be determined and focused and ready and a fighter. Or maybe she'll have that floating, hippie spirit of her mama. But I'll tell her that she is always exactly where she is supposed to be.

I'll tell her not to hide behind make-up. To use it, to enjoy it but to never depend on it. I'll tell her to let him see you straight off the bat without it. Set the bar baby.

I'd say, 'You don't have to be a feminist little girl. You don't have to be creative either. You don't have to be a lawyer and you don't have to be political. You just have to be yourself. And you have to keep being kind.

I'd tell her that she is going to get her heart broken and she won't know why. That she will look for answers when there are none and that she will soul-search and she will question and she will cry and she will hurt. I will tell her to stop looking for those answers. I'd explain that sometimes we aren't supposed to get them. I will tell her to believe what I say when I wipe away those tears. Because I know.

I will try and make her see that the little girl who grows up not needing validation from others is the strongest one of all. I'd try and explain that the little girl who grows up not needing validation from others can conquer the world.

I will tell her to never look back but to keep looking forward. To finish each day knowing she did the best she could. That she was the best she could be. That she will make mistakes just like everyone else. But I will tell her to forget those mistakes. To start each day afresh with excitement and anticipation at all the amazing things that are just around the corner.

And when someone hurts her I will tell her to handle it with grace, humility and dignity. I'll say 'never hold onto anger my beautiful girl'. Don't be bitter. Don't be mad. Breathe instead. Just breathe. And always have a smile ready for those who have wronged you.

I will say:

Be brave. 

Be fierce. 

Be anything you want to be.

Just keep being kind.