Wednesday, 18 June 2014

Do you feel lucky punk?

We all know and are well aware that I have a few slightly crazy ideas sometimes. While I am far from being one of those loonballs who believes that fairies live at the bottom of the garden and that my Gran's spirit is living in my Mum's dog, there are a few slightly 'wacky' things that I believe in.

I believe wholeheartedly that you can get anything you want from this life if you train yourself to think in a certain way. I believe that if you can think positively most of the time then you can manipulate the path of your life to be a more positive one. I believe that positivity breeds positivity and that through stopping yourself being negative you can open yourself up to endless possibilities. I think that being happy is about being grateful. If you can look around you and appreciate all the good things you have in your life then how could you not be happy? I believe in being humble, in being kind as much as you possibly can and in always maintaining the belief that something amazing is just around the corner.

But I have to say this - I believe in life. 

No matter how you think or act or view the world, horrible things will sometimes happen. It's just a fact of life. People will die. People will break your heart. Bad things sometimes happen just like sad things sometimes happen too. I understand that there are breaks that not everyone gets in life. I would not turn around to the destitute man living on the street and say 'oh you should have though positively'. Because while I might be a bit of a hippie - I am not an idiot. The same goes for mental illness. It would be pretty difficult to think positively all the time if you have genuine chemical imbalances in your brain rendering it impossible to do so. I am not naive to these facts.  

 The first few years of my twenties weren't the happiest of my life. In truth, they were pretty awful because I was an incredibly unhappy person. But over the course of my mid-twenties a few things happened to me that started to change things. I had a baby, I discovered a love of writing and I started dabbling in meditation when I was feeling a bit over-whelmed by life. I started to notice little things that I hadn't noticed before. Like how lucky I was to be able to afford a take away when I couldn't be bothered to cook. A hangover started to remind me how fortunate I was to be in good health day to day. A bout of missing my Mum reminded me how blessed I was to have two amazing sisters living so nearby.

I discovered the idea of family - my own family. I remember those long days with a newborn. How amazing yet hard it was. I remember that feeling at 6pm when Ava's dad used to get home. How lovely it felt just to have him back and our tight little family of three reunited for the night. I used to lock the door in the evening without an ounce of desire to be holding up the bar in some new city centre haunt. I was exactly where I wanted to be. Locking everyone else out and us in. And I can't wait to be able to do that again some day.

I've learnt lots of things about myself over the years that have made me into a happier person. I've learnt that when the people you trusted the most in the world let you down then you have to let go to move on with your life. I've learnt that forgiveness is key but that there is no guilt in walking away. I've learnt that when I am feeling upset about something or slightly out of sorts then I shouldn't get drunk (not that it stops me). I've learnt to stop caring so much about what other people think about me and I've learnt to believe that everything will always be ok in the end. I'm not trying to tell people who are having a terrible time to man up. Sometimes life is fucking horrible and as much as you would love to get yourself out of bed, get your positive head on and crack on with things - it isn't always possible. But I have been there and please don't think that just because I don't talk about it on this blog that I haven't. 

But for a good couple of years now I haven't been able to escape this weird feeling I carry around with me constantly. This feeling of being lucky. Of feeling really lucky. And I think sometimes that when you feel that it can show through in other ways. That people can sense it. I know I am massively drawn towards happy 'glass is half full' type people. And I am positive that my life has turned in certain ways as a direct consequence of trying to always look at the silver lining in a situation. 

Because I am lucky. In so many, many ways. And when you feel so lucky all the time then how the hell can you not be happy? 

And I will be extra withering, cynical & sarcastic in my next blog post. 

Promise ;)

If you are at all interested in any more of my crazy ramblings about positive thinking and cosmic ordering then you can just click right here.

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