I have this weird thing with the World Cup. Hardly an avid follower of football, it still catches my attention because of the 4 year gap in between each one. During every single World Cup of my adult life (not that many I'd like to note), I've always sort of stopped and thought to myself - I wonder where the hell I will be the next time one of these comes along? I wonder who I will be with? I wonder if I will be married? If I will have more kids? And if these little football related quarterly life evaluations have taught me anything, it's that a lot can change in four years. This year was no different. In between trying to find something to watch on the telly that wasn't football and cracking up that they kept changing the Masterchef scheduling, I got to thinking about where I was with my life this time 4 years ago. And it kind of jolted me how different things are. I have a child. I have a new idea of the direction I want to go with my life. I have responsibilities that I never had before. Ironically, I no longer have the security that I did when I was 26 of a stable career path, decent salary and pension.
But I'm happier. So which is more important?
So as the "bloody football" came to a close this year I wondered where I would be four years from now. There will definitely be more kids. I'm pretty positive about that. Married? Even after 30 years I am still lacking the inclination but you never know. I do wonder why I've never felt particularly inclined to get married. I worry about it, been tempted to write a blog post about it but bottled it. I want to settle down and have more children but the idea of planning a wedding day brings me out in a rash. And I'm as attention seeking as they come. Constant questions as to whether I am 'the marrying kind' swirl about my head but are quickly diminished when I realise I don't really care enough to explore it. Career wise I know I will be doing something I absolutely love to death. Of that I am determined. And I can be pretty determined.
My point is we can plan and plan and plan. But it doesn't work. We can predict nice houses, 2.4 children and family sized estate cars. You can take it for granted you will be doing your line manager's job in 2 years, his line manager's job in 3. You can foresee the big white wedding. You can calculate how much you will have in your pension in another four years. But life doesn't work like that. If I had stayed in my previous job I might have ended up one of the best in the business. But I might have ended up redundant. If I hadn't pretty much sacked my life off, taken out a massive loan and buggered off to the States to 'find myself' then the relating circumstances that occurred on my return might have ended with me not having Ava right now.
I'm not trying to get all 'Sliding Doors' on anyone here. I'm merely wondering how much power we actually have in the whole grand scale of things. I believe that I will have quite a few of my wishes come true over the next four years. But I think that's because overall I am a pretty optimistic person.
So just like I refused to do a birth plan and there's not very much money in my pension, I think I'm just going to keep winging it and see what happens. Stay enthusiastic for life. Keep working hard at whatever I do, whether it's my day job or that millionth piece I am writing for free to get my name out there. Keep teaching Ava the values and lessons I think it's important she learns. Keep having fun. Keep waiting.
Keep waiting just to see what happens.
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