Wednesday, 20 January 2016


I hated my twenties. Well, that's a slight lie. I adored the fact I could power through a work hangover like a trooper and that I could survive solely on fast food and not gain an ounce. But apart from that I don't look upon my twenties too fondly. I was too lost. Full of fake confidence and Smirnoff Ices (they were cool back then), I could convince even the biggest cynic I had the swagger. However inside I lacked confidence and direction. I wasn't confident in my body, in my capabilities or in who I was. I lacked direction because I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life or where I wanted to go. So I wandered aimlessly through countries, jobs and relationships. Trying to make sense of myself.

Then my thirties turned up and BAM - I suddenly knew who I was. I became aware of my strengths and had no issue in accepting my weaknesses. Having a baby made me celebrate my body in a way I hadn't before. I appreciated what a marvellous thing it was. I realised that maybe I had a better body than I simply pretended I thought I had. Sex became freeing. I became more concerned that I was having a good time and less that I had to get up and walk around naked afterwards.

My curves aren't the only thing I have celebrated more since I've gotten older. I finally feel in control. Like I am the boss of me and the boss of my own life. Through a mixture of time, experience and making an arse of yourself you gain confidence in running your own life. Probably because you learn that nothing is ever as bad as you thought it was when you were younger. Nervous breakdowns over failed relationships or sacking off your 9-5 to go find yourself in LA are no longer an option. With age comes responsibilities and with responsibilities comes confidence. Confidence that you can. 

I know I can. I can walk to the bathroom naked without worry and with possibly even a wolf whistle. I can change my career towards something I have no qualifications in through a mixture of sheer hard work and a ton of determination. I will always hate those crows feet up there and with each day that passes I invest in yet another ridiculously expensive eye cream to counteract them. But just like my used to be awesome but are a bit buggered boobs remind me what a champ I was for all those months of breastfeeding - those crows feet remind me how far I have come and how well I have done. They remind me what a boss I am. 

The boss of me.

And how much fun I am having each and every day raising a little girl boss of my own. 

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