Last night I watched a couple arguing in the street. I couldn’t hear what they were saying & I was too far away for them to see me weirdly staring. They appeared to be having an intense fight. It looked heated. They both looked upset. I wondered if they were in love. If these two people loved each other. Or if they were just hanging onto something. Perhaps they were too afraid to walk away? Maybe they were fighting to hold on. Or maybe they were fighting to let go. Like so many others.
It got me to thinking about communication. About communication in relationships. Which they say is everything. Is it better to communicate to the point you are arguing in the street? Or is it better to not communicate at all? Metaphorically speaking, when the going gets tough - is it better to just get going? Relationship counsellors, experts, agony aunts will all tell you the same thing – that communication is everything when it comes to maintaining a healthy relationship. But when all you have to say to each other is hurtful and spiteful things (none of which you mean), surely it’s better to say nothing at all?
I’ve never been one for the full on screaming matches in relationships. I’ve had the usual fall outs. The stony silences as you sit in a car full of tense air. Waiting to see who broke (or laughed) first. Those are normal. Those are life. But those in your face, shouting matches are just something I've never really experienced. Which I guess is good, although I always felt I was missing out slightly on the crazy, passionate ripping your clothes off part that's meant to occur immediately after...
The truth is that communication is everything. Communication is key. A relationship where you dip in and out of one another’s lives every time you hit a rough patch is not a relationship that will last. Look at the likes of Richard Burton & Elizabeth Taylor, who famously wrote to one another:
“You must know, of course, how much I love you. You must know, of course, how badly I treat you. But the fundamental and most vicious, swinish, murderous, and unchangeable fact is that we totally misunderstand each other”.
When you refuse to treat yourselves, each other & your relationship with the respect, care & nurture it deserves, how could you possibly expect it to ever work? Some people retreat into themselves. Others lash out. But how long do you go on hurting one another? How long until someone says stop?
Does true love really exist? And if so are Burton & Taylor to be believed that it is only ever marred by pain? Can you really not have both? Do you really have to choose to settle and be bored or be madly in love yet destined to a lifetime of pain and miscommunication?
The truth is I don’t know. I haven’t quite made my mind up yet.
But I'm starting to wonder...
Is boring better?
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